badrabbyt

... at least that's what i hear. the organ is union or whatever, and it's not getting enough respect. so, i'm sitting here, waiting for it to accept or reject the contract my people have worked out with its people (in the form of a peanut butter sandwich). okay, that's really silly. but i've felt like the bottom of a taxicab since late friday night, and i'd really like to be a in a tub of warm water right now. just because it sounds nice.

but because i'm a pansy about such things (which is double speak for: hey, i've read the handbook of diseases, and i can think of a thousand horrifying reasons why my stomach is on stike, the least of which is food poisoning), when i get sick with something really simple, i start to think about the worst case scenario. like, yeah - this could be an ulcer. i have all the symptoms for that. and really, my stomach has been making noises along this line since mid-december. or, you know... historically, i've have really bad intestinal cramps and disorders involving my tummy prior to having another go-round with the cancer.

i'm such a joy. moving on...

since i'm such a dweeb, i pay attention to random pieces of information. like, the fact that over 500 people have visited this website this month. and, like, five or six of you actually leave comments. which kinda makes me feel like less of a dork. i hope y'all are getting something out of this, even if you're not talking. it does make me feel better, knowing that in some small way, i'm not the only one who fears looking like a moron. heh - sorry, but i typed 'mormon' accidentally just then. it's unnerving how close those two words are. anyway, thanks for reading. i'd thank you with a knitted object if you'd say hi or something. but it's okay. believe me, i understand.

so, since my stomach is on strike (and believe me when i say, i'm glad it didn't start a riot while having dim sum with cool people on saturday), i've been staying close to the bathroom. because i'm a wuss, and i need a toilet to puke in. i'm not much for puking in bushes, or on the ground, like some common drunk. it needs to be a toilet, and preferably one that's been cleaned recently. i have issues, yes. however, i have been knitting like an insane woman. or like someone told me they were gonna amputate my hands. so, i have a few pictures.

first, we have an orange cake of linen yarn. which has started to be something for YMCrae. it's not the best picture, but it is a sexy, burnt-orangy color. yeah, i said orangy. i've become that person. i blame my stomach for this.

oooh, this is the branching out scarf. i found this cream-ish yarn in the basket. it's gonna look so swanky when it's done. i think i originally bought this stuff to make a pillow for z's bed. um... yeah, i did. the pillow looks a little creepy, actually. it's a cylindrical shape, and she wanted most of it to be this insane eyelash yarn junk. i hate that stuff, but people in general seem to love it. i just thought of this, but the pillow looks like a stubby, fluffy, cream-colored penis. i'm really not kidding. someone remind me to take a picture of that bad boy. but this scarf - it won't look like a penis.

here i am, holding caliometry on my head. it needs to be washed before i'll add a button. for now, just pretend my hand's not there. seriously, this took around two hours to make. and it keeps my head warm. although i do think i look vaguely amish. an amish lass with a blog and a stomach that hates her.

another caliometry. moi may recognize the pink - it's leftover panty yarn. and it's on my head. i think this is the closest i'll ever get to having her undies on my head. and that's totally a good thing. i think i mentioned i was sending her some mystery gifts? i found two pairs of undies (it was a knickers event, i tell you) that all but begged to be sent to her. see? see what happens when you give your address to random people on the interweb? you get knitted objects in the mail, and underwear and lip gloss goes along for the ride. but no hotel keys. i kept that sucker.

and only a few people will know of what i speak.

finally, ophelia shows how much she loves to leave comments on my blog. it's the complete indifference that gets me. oh, and that's the almost tackiest-blanket-ever. but man, it's great to have about when you're feeling like absolute ass. the cat wants to get all in my face - because i usually don't get sick, she gets all weirded out and has to stomp on the bladder and dig her claws in any available tender surface - but with this, she just wants to lay on it near me. or better yet, lay between it and the comforter. although it is kinda funny when she's licking herself. she'll sometimes be unable to tell where she ends and the blanket begins, and soon she'll be licking the faux fur and purring. it's not normal behavior, i tell you.

next time, i should have pictures of the most gigantic sock ever, and why i've had to make it again (i blame my stomach and my mother). and maybe some pictures of that penis pillow.

thanks for stopping by.

first, i have to say... i now own the tackiest blanket in the history of blankets.

okay, it's not really number one. but good god... it's (faux) leopard print fur on one side, and brown fleece on the other. it needs some velour or something to compete for #1 tacky blanket. and cecil bought it - for my cat. no, really. my cat, as some of you have seen, is a cute-but-stinky calico. not stinky because it's cold and i don't want to bathe her, but stinky because she has worse gas than an elder uncle of mine. wow - saurkraut, man. anyway, for some reason cecil thought it would be a good idea for ophelia to have a blanket that she could, you know, blend in to. and she does love it. although, since i have the thumbs, it's totally my blanket. i just let her lay on it. pictures to come... when the light is just so.

in other news - my quad pal is doing better since being admitted to the hospital (and not the one i work at, dammit) sunday. he will most likey be released friday or saturday, the nurses are telling me. yay! dude's middle son - not so lucky. but, well... he did try to hang hisself. so far, they've removed the ventilator and the breathing tube. most of the relatives have said their goodbyes. although some of them, apparently, have said that they think he'll 'snap out of it'. this is because, according to z (who flies home late friday, hopefully - i can't take anymore of her mom trying to feed me and talk about oprah), the boy will have a spasm while they're holding his hand, and they'll think he squeezed their hand. or they'll see his eyelids flutter and think he's looking right at them. the doctors have said, as i understand things, that there is no brain activity. you don't recover from that, but you sure can put up a good front. the body's whole mission is to stay alive, regardless. he's on auto-pilot, for the most part. anyway, i guess next they'll be removing the feeding tube. it's a difficult thing, to make these decisions. my heart goes out to dude.

and for my great-uncle... the court folks decided they didn't want to incur the wrath of god (my grandmother has him on speed-dial - i'm not even kidding), and gave my grandmother power-of-attorney for healthcare. so, she's been in all the doctor's faces, taking notes and asking really good questions. then she calls me, and relays the information to see what i think. personally, i don't believe in quantity-of-life over quality-of-life. and while medicine has done a good job with bringing some people back from the brink of death, i don't think it'll be the case here. cancer has sucked up too much of his brain. even if he were to regain consciousness, i can't imagine his former self would be happy with his current self. and although it's against her religion, i think she's going to pull the plug. mind you, i have not suggested that she do this. so, it's not like i'm putting ideas into my grandmother's head. when i talked to her tonight, she said she was going to ask god what he would do. i imagine her sitting down to her computer and IM'ing the almighty.

so, that's happy. i know that sounds kinda harsh, but... well, i just don't have the energy to cry about all this. i deal with death as part of my job. and while i fear dying myself, i know there's no point in wasting life time thinking about it. it happens to everyone, at some point. some sooner than others. accept and move on. remember those who have died, and try to live your life as best you can.

it's all we have, when you get right down to it. well, that and knitting.

moving on... i have some pictures, but i don't think i'll post them just yet. one is of moi's knitted undergarments, and i'd hate for the interwebs to see her undies before she does. it doesn't seem right. so, putting that off. along with putting away my tire chains, doing laundry and finishing this scarf.

actually, i'm going to do that last one right now. thanks for stopping by. i'll try to be more amusing later.

yes, i just posted that down there. below here, not down my pants or anything. but i was cruising other blogs, and i found this:

dear sweet lord. is... is that a helpless little kitten? is that f**king acrylic? oh... oh. i'm tearing up from stifling the laughter. my cat will be on the phone to PETA when she sees this.

holy christ.

and so, with everyone in the hospital, i have turned my mind to other things. namely, the reason i'm back in school.

yes, radiology. they start taking applications for the program next thursday.

i'm nervous. i mean, i totally have a backup plan and everything, in case they decide that i'm not worthy, or my heart is not pure, or whatever. well, two, really. one of which involves going for another degree/license. the other involves taking a bunch of japanese language classes. and i'm not even all that into anime. i just really want to travel in osaka. anyway... this whole 'application' process is making my teeth itch. seriously. i mean, i've applied to selective programs before, and i've been accepted the majority of the time. something about being smart and cute. whatever. but this makes me flat-out uncomfortable. yes, there's a form. and an essay. not worried about that crap. i'm worried about the interview. i'm worried about financial aid. i'm worried about the tremendous upheaval this will cause in my life. and i'm worried in general. it's like static, that one. just always in the background.

what if i get sick again? i don't just mean a cold here. what if the cancer returns, and i'm mid-program? there's a word for that, but i gave it up the tawdry language for new year's. and what if... what if wild dingo's eat me in my sleep? okay... i'm just anxious. i'm moving on, because just typing this stuff is making various bits of the self itch and go red. totally not kidding.

now, i have a few pictures. to get my mind off the worrying. about people on respirators, experiencing mild drung overdose, brain dead... oh! i forgot to mention we have two folks brain-dead. dude's middle child, and... uh... well, he's not exactly related to me, but my great uncle. my grandmother took care of him when his parents abandoned him back in the old country (that would be ireland), and when she came to this country, he came with. they've always put down on forms that he was an orphan, and there was never an official adoption, but he's always been part of our family. my great-grandmother always called him 'son', the men referred to him as 'brother'. you get the idea. anyway, due to a very loooong illness, he is, as i understand it, non-responsive. the last time i talked to my grandmother, she was under the impression he was brain-dead. now, because there is technically no relation between him and the rest of our family, the hospital he's at is refusing to allow anyone to make medical decisions on his behalf. hell, they won't even tell us what his status is (i'm tempted to use my hospital contacts to get his records, but that's totally illegal). sooo... my grandmother is now going to court to have power-of-attorney for healthcare appointed to herself so she can find out what's going on with him.

people! if you learn nothing else from me - get a living will. for the love of god.

moving on. no, really.

i went to a fabric store, looking for hook-and-eye closures for a cardigan i bought at a thrift store. it curretly has this unfortunate wrap-around belt that looks terrible on four people (so far, anyway). and i saw these gnomes in their spring crap department. well... what else would you call it? plastic and tin spring motifs for whatever people use them for. there were various gnomes in various states of repose. it was kind of like stumbling onto the gnome's local 35 meeting or something. uh... that's a union joke, if you didn't catch it.

when we had weather the other week? and it was all freeze-your-mammaries-off cold out? this was the warmest spot in the house. and i know because all that fur on my cat is ornamental. it must be. so, i guess it's a good thing i have this yarn stockpile. yeah... it does sort of look like yarn is exploding out of the basket. but there's enough room for her chubby butt, so maybe i've downsized.

relax, moi - your knickers aren't in there. but! if i wake up in time on tuesday, they'll be at the post office. woot woot!

this is carmen. the home network doesn't like her. and verizon hates her sexy little modem. we don't know why, but i've decided this goes beyond my skills. i'm calling the geek squad.

while this is a great shirt, you see not much of it here. wow, i look really bored. but my hair is growing out, at least.

i love sleeping. i love naps. i love my pinstripe sheets. they make me feel like a gangster.

one last time! i love this picture. it makes me smile every time.

just like your comments do. thanks for stopping by.

damn it.

as some of you know, i used to take care of quads. and really, once you've seen someone's nakey butt, you're kind of friends for life. one of my quad boys was admitted to the hospital sunday night with dysreflexia. basically, it's a general feeling of crappy. and since spinal injuries screw with the body's ability to determine exactly what's wrong... well, you get the idea.

now, what did i just say about this, y'all?

the crazy thing is - i was just over there. i went by saturday morning to hang out with him. he had a mild temperature, but he was his usual self. he makes me go online, download music, and read my blog to him. yes - read my own writing to him. but only when he's in bed - sometimes i'm funny enough to make him... well, uh... crap hisself.

anyway, he's stable. he'll be okay. i think someone at the gimp house gave him too much medication. which is a minor thing, really. sometimes, he forgets that he's taken his meds, and he'll take them again. it happens.

i was hanging out with cecil when i got the call. he actually said, "dude, it's not a good week to know you."

argh. argh. argh.

in completely non-related news, i need to learn how to spin yarn. instead of being the personal assistant of the angel of dodgy health.

thank you all who have left comments. i'll try not to kill anyone else. but, if you have a cough... well, don't take any chances.

christ.

people, i'm tired of this.

not the blogging. i'm a-loving the blogging. and i love y'all that come read. and i especially love the ones that leave comments. but, another story for another time.

prepare for a rapid exit off the highway. and with no turn signal...

no, i'm sick of all the dying. first, we lost our lady of the wheelchair back in july. there was an incident in ireland that cost me a few distant relative - one of which i was almost named after. great uncle william. yes, really. there was the hospice patient we lost in... november? right around there. and countless friends and relatives getting bad health news. and so on and so on...

friday, z tells me that dude's middle child tried to commit suicide, and she needs to fly to california like, yesterday for support. yes, they are broken up. but still - when someone important in your life needs you, you move heaven and earth to be there. i was waiting for news before i posted anything here, or told anyone (i told YMCrae on friday, but that was because i was thinking i may have to cancel on her to kick it with z dog, who is several shades pissed and upset).

so, just a few minutes ago, z called with an update. the boy - dude, he's like, 23 or something - is brain dead. no idea how the family will procede from here. cutting out all the medical stuff we discussed - z had a few questions that she knew i could answer, given my work history of caring for people just this side of death's door - there it is. a miracle will make the boy come back to us.

i can't go to any more funerals or wakes.

here's my point - in the last seven months, i've had, well... too many people die. i would like it to stop. i was sitting here, counting on my fingers the number of grief cards and hail marys and prayers i've said. it's too much, it's too many. i don't go to mass anymore, but i was raised catholic. it's like a reflex - you cross yourself when you see an accident on the highway, you say the prayers you've been saying since forever when someone dies. or when someone is born.

plese don't die. please stop. please keep living.

please.

thursday was shopping day. i made myself brave the cold and crazy (okay, really - portland got waaaay out of hand with their freakish doomsday-esque portrayal of the weather; it was fine, i drove in it, car and i look the same as we did before) conditions to do a little birthday shopping for z dog, some mystery shopping for moi, and some i-need-some-damn-eye-hooks shopping for myself. so, y'all didn't miss much. i mean, other than cecil holding up various bras to his person and asking a thousand questions ("i mean, really. this one doesn't even need a girl in it.") about brazziers in general.

sheesh. i don't go asking questions about athletic supporters, but whatever. i'm glad to spread knowledge.

anyway... i was looking through one of my favorite magazines ever, and i saw some totally cool stuff they were hawking at their website. so, i just ambled on over there...

capt, these might be out of your price range, but hey. they got 'em. i don't expect these to be bought for me, by the way. just sayin'.

and this. this is fabulous. i have to buy this. soon.

they have my shirt! oh! i don't have to buy the coffee cup after all! much rejoicing!

finally... this is making me smile. i used to have this as a young'un, and i may have to buy it again. would you swoon for a girl that wore that sort of thing?

and lastly, for those of you who want to stalk me... i'll be bowling (not for soup or anything) on friday, going to a movie and knitting in public on saturday, and not getting out of my jammies on sunday. am i going to get more specific than that? no.

thank you. carry on.

for those of you that don't live in the greater portland, oregon area, it's been a bit snowy here. like tuesday morning, when i had to stop on a major road (powell and 26th, for those of you keen on stalking me in the wee-ish hours) to put chains on my car. just to drive home. and when i say 'chains', they're really just cables. because my car is such a lightweight, a firm wind can knock it across two lanes on a freeway. and yes, this has actually happened. so anyway, i have snow pictures. for those of you that may live in, say, toronto, or alaska, i apologize. we are wimps when it comes to true snow.

and by the way, if you were the guy on powell tuesday morning, giving me the weirdo stare while i put the cables on my tires (in less than 10 minutes, thank you, and with no gloves)? i would have gladly helped you with your honest-to-goodness chains had you asked. but guys tend to be snippy when a girl offers them car-related help.

and you idiot in the BMW - piss off. i hope you hit a pole later. speeding by while other cars are clearly having difficulty.

this is what the parking lot looked like as i left work tuesday morning. i tend to wonder why people park out in the open when there's covered parking really nearby. you will note it's snowing. i guess it had been snowing for a bit over an hour at this point.

a front yard full o' snow. z dog got the day off school for what looked like two inches. which, again, is not a big deal in some areas. but here, it makes the news. they have graphics for this sort of thing.

in general, it's too bad that i don't have pictures of streets and whatnot. but i don't take pictures while driving. at least not ones that turn out, anyway. i did kinda want to compare the conditions to those in vancouver, british columbia (didn't need chains) or even those in anchorage, alaska (been there exactly once, for a week, and would really really like to go back sometime). although i don't know how much i can comment about snow in anchorage. i didn't do much of the driving once we were there, and since i was there on business, we seemed to work extraordinarly loooong hours, closely followed by heavy sleep in a well-heated hotel room. i did, however, see a moose. i think.

moving on...

this is one of my house boots in the powder around the rabbyt hutch. my feet are not actually that big - the boots are at least a size-and-a-half too big, but they're lined. and, they make for nice run-out-to-whatever shoes to have about the house. and the pants? they actually have gnomes on them. yes, really. i did say i have a thing for gnomes, yes?

by the way - all my outdoor gnomes are in the garage for the winter. i wouldn't want to be charged with gnome abuse.

this is z, complete with shovel. she decided that the driveway needed to be shovelled. when it snowed and rained later in the evening (actually, shortly after this picture was taken), the cleaned-up areas in front of the house got a nice sheen of ice. which is pretty handy to have. the really cool thing about the snow? our neighbors across the street had an atv, and they were zipping up and down the road and alley. it looked like a lot of fun.

this has nothing to do with snow, but it is cute:

the smallest guitar i've ever seen. really - that case is only about five inches long. it has strings, and you can kinda play it. correction - midgets like me can kinda play it. the thing might need to be tuned, though.

i also have a few pictures from saturday. it snowed, but it wasn't cold enough to stick. although saturday night, while i was stalking, it was cold enough outside to numb important body parts in under 15 minutes.

i drive by this store all the time, but i had never gone in. i went in saturday, but saw nothing i liked. i love their mannequins. they look like extras from the first batman movie. you know - the good one, with jack nicholson as the joker. these things look like the joker's bitch. although it's difficult to take their picture, given the window glare and surrounding tall-ish buildings.

this is what i look like when i'm about to sneeze. for reference.

and this is someone's head in front of a really great band. i know who it is - do you? the lousy part about this picture is - i was only about five feet away from them. and it still kinda looks retarded. bass player on the far left, hot ass singer right above that dumb bastard's head. bunch of people from the audience dancing onstage.

shortly after this, i talked to the crush, but we discussed that already. well, i discussed. y'all read and shook your heads at my inept, shy, goofy and clumsy self.

and that's all i got for ya's. be safe in driving in the inclement weather, don't break a hip or anything. thanks for stopping by.

people who read the rabbyt! i have two announcements:

#1 - i noticed that, after posting about this, that even more weird stuff has gotten people here. gotta love google:

homies hamster - my shirt! rollin' with the homies! love it love it.

weirdest thing ever - represent! wait, it gets better...

donkey & midget - wow. are ya lookin' for PORN? or, you know, just fascinated by the world around you?

fist my mom's ass - first, i can't make this stuff up. second... i can't stop laughing. why do y'all need to see that? a damn fist up your mother's butt crack? wow. not enough lube in the world, i'm guessing...

#2 - go here. look at the pictures. yes, they are cats.

get back to me. you know, after you change your pants.

there's very little story that goes with what i'm about to display. the lovely and shexy YMCrae recently had a birthday. yay! she's old enough to vote! which was why moi was about town for the first weekend of the new year. who better to spend your free time with? even though YMCrae's birthday was the following week, we celebrated early. with cuban food. and coffee. and maybe some hooch.

while not all at the table were represented, moi was smart enough to bring her camera and use it. and make others use it. when i was looking at these originally, we had this conversation:

me: wow, we're all so shiny.

moi: boys like shiny things.

me: as do badgers. 

and so...

hi, YMCrae! there was this old-school (from the '70s, yo!) saturday night live sketch where dan ackroyd played a freud character, and he was analyzing the dreams of his daughter (lorainne newman, i think), which had all kind of sexual references. anyway, the punchline to the skit was, "sometimes a banana is just a banana." and sometimes a cigar made of chocolate is just a cigar made of chocolate. and not a mr hanky look-alike at all.

no, not at all.

i'm not sure what capt clydesdale is doing here. letting his hair grow, maybe? actually, he looks vaguely freudian. hmmm. oh, the chick? that would be z, complete with straightened hair.

the best things happens when you're doing something else. i think we were passing desserts around at this point. on the left, birthday girl YMCrae. on the right, old lady z. in the middle, moi's wine bottle. really, she nearly killed the whole thing. she's my hero.

see, girls can totally play nice. i'm kinda looking forward to the slumber party, for which i've set no date and made no plans. because i'm on top of things like that. moving on...

capt clydesdale gets fed. oh, happy day! the guy in blue, in the background? that's our waiter. YMCrae declared him gay. he was a nice waiter.

okay, it kinda looks like i'm groping moi. which i did, but i don't think it was right then. moi insisted on a picture of the two of us - oh yeah, badrabbyt on the left, smoochy moi on the right - and then she planted one on me. later, she grabbed my boob, while her husband looked on. gotta love the birdman. i think i congratulated her on choosing the smaller one, which seems to get less love. i love that this picture exists.

finally, what really should be called 'the gratuitious pussy shot', but is in fact being called 'my posse'. left to right: le rabbyt, YMCrae, z, and moi. i showed this picture to a few people, as so far it's been unanimous: "oh, is that your sister on the right?"

yes. yes, it is. more or less.

anyway... these are my peeps. well, some of them. further...

so, saturday. i made myself talk to the crush. who, moi points out, is not exactly secret anymore. and as he said himself, "you're not subtle." i'm not going to give y'all the gory detail, but the best thing ever? when he saw me, he smiled and said, "hi, badrabbyt!" but he said my really real name. aaaand, mr clydesdale, he pronounced it correctly.

jesus, i thought i was gonna swoon. do people stil do that? it was a short conversation, where i made a mild ass of myself. but you can bet he remembers me. now, i have to wonder why i stick in his mind. other than the fact that i'm shiny in pictures taken at cuban eateries. my top three reasons the crush remembers me:

1. you'd remember the lunatic stalking you, wouldn't you? it's a survival thing.
2. he thinks i'm cute. and he might maybe like me.
3. he's a nice guy that remembers clumsy dorks. which i happen to be. i'm their queen.

i think we call all guess which one i'm favoring.

oh, i kinda forgot to add this to my list of things that irk me. saturday night, prior to talking to the crush (and not wetting myself, because that totally coulda happened), i got two phone numbers from two different guys. who were both cute. now, i will not be calling either, and it has nothing to do with the crush. dudes - when you pass a lady your phone number, put your damn name on it. seriously, people.

finally, because i'm such a rockin' human (or so i hear), my boss lady had decided that i get to try something new. mainly, for the last hour of my shift at the hospital, i get to work with the admitting department. for some reason, people around here think i'm friendly and soothing. the kind of person you want to kick it with before major surgery. stop laughing. from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m., i get to escort newly admitted patients to wherever it is they need to go. which means i have to dress nice. and be nice. basically, i'm not enitrely sure what-all is going on around here.

but thanks for stopping by.