badrabbyt

just a quick update - my stomach is slightly less than revolted right now. yay for me.

after much praying, my grandmother pulled the plug on my great uncle. she said she had no problems with her decision. good for her. it's what he would have wanted, we think.

my quad friend was released from the hospital. he's fine. although he now tells people, "i think they broke my neck in the ER; i can't feel my feet." he's such a card, that one.

after being double talked and led down a garden path, i told dude that he needs to get power of attorney for healthcare for his son. apparently now, in california anyway, if a family member is on life support and you (the family) want it removed, you have to talk to a lawyer and do a special dance. maybe not a dance, but there seemed to be a lot of paperwork and meetings with lawyers that specialize in this sort of thing. i understand the reasoning behind all this, especially after the terri schiavo debacle, but still. as one of the ER docs i talked to said, "he tried to kill himself. that sounds to me like he's not a life support kind of guy." dude said that the hospital told him he has to do things the other way (lawyers, lap dance, DNA sample, blah blah), and i told him to just ask. so, he asked, and the hospital said, "oh, yeah. you can do that. here's the form." der. now, i don't want people to think that i'm vicariously killing people left and right. i just think it's asinine that families have to suffer through all these horrible events, and then the people in charge don't give them all the information so they can make an informed decision. it pisses me off, really. i'd rather dude and my grandmother didn't have to make these decisions at all. but at least there's this - dude's son and my great uncle have people in their lives that are still trying to do what's best for them. even if they're being thwarted at every turn.

moving on.

i recently got an email from an old friend of mine. like, i've known her since junior high, and we've kinda kept in touch ever since. i was in her wedding, for god's sake (now that's an interesting story that i'm not sure i want to tell). i think i only really knew her for about three or four months before she had to move again - something about here mom being a trucker, or somesuch. i'm not sure the details. anyway... i would say we've been good friends. click, ya know? now, in general, i'm that girl. the one that tries to remember birthdays and anniversaries. tries to send emails and letters, keeps addresses and email addresses current in her PDA. i don't send christmas cards, but i think you get the idea. i don't want someone to think i've forgotten them. kirsten lincoln, my best friend through most of school - never forgot you. even though you moved to louisiana, got engaged and stopped writing back. still think of you. anyone know her, tell her that i said to call. anyway, i try to keep in touch. i get real lame about it from time to time, but there it is. and this girl - the one from junior high - she's moved a lot in her life. keeping in touch with her has been more than a challenge. and it's been a lot of work on my end. i've visited her, but she hasn't visited me. yes, i get that maybe she can't afford it. or maybe she just doesn't have the time. okay, fine. but really - i've kinda let the whole thing slide off my radar. like, for a long time, the only emails i would get from her were the ones she forwarded to everyone in her address book. i hate that.

but, i've noticed something. i think i last talked to her in 2005. she had called me, and we had a little chat about how she felt trapped in her marriage. the more we talked, the more i became aware of the fact that she felt she had no one else to talk to. which i don't mind. honestly, i don't. if i'm your only port in a storm... hey, i'm there for you. i'd like to think that my friends think a little higher of me. that they would call me because i'm their friend, not because i'm the only one that hasn't told them to shut up. but, as usual, i digress. she keept talking about how it must be so very late where i am (portland, oregon) and she really should let me go. she was calling from mishawaka, indiana - i think they're two hours ahead of the west coast. anyway, i kept telling her it was late afternoon, and it was fine. but it dawned on me that she doesn't know where i live. what kind of friend is that? anyway, i've kind of felt used by this person, even though i still consider her my friend. you know what i mean?

anyway, she called me last week (little busy with people on ventilators and a hissy 12-year-old that didn't come out of me), and she sent me an email... um... this weekend? i've kept this same email address (not the one up there below my picture [and, so help me, if one more guy emails me to ask if that's really me... YES. why would i post a fake picture?], but a similar one) for this very reason. so an old friend that maybe doesn't have my phone number or address anymore can reconnect. it's really important to me to feel i'm not that far away from my old and sometimes former friends. so, she emails me just to find out what's going on with me. no news from her, i might add. it... just rubs me the wrong way.. i'm pretty sure she's having marital problems again, and she's sure i'll listen. because that's what i do. because i'm a good friend.

this is all very petty, i know. but i'm having a hard time finding a reason to write back. i don't like to be used. and that's all that running around my brain at the moment.

thanks for stopping by.