badrabbyt

so, no real post today. largely because i'm a bit vexed, and i don't really wanna talk about it right now. i hope this is all for naught, and i had nothing to be pissy about. but... well, let's just leave it there. we'll talk about this friday. i'll know more then.

and... uh... okay. have you ever had a headache that just doesn't know when it's overstayed its welcome? not that headaches are ever welcome. but... you take your anti-headache crap - whatever particular pills or potions you swear by in these events - and you go to bed, say. only to be awoken about four hours later, say, by some 11-year-old hollering down the hall. from right in front of your bedroom door. you know, just saying. so, you get up. and apparently, you look grumpy. the mother of this child decides to take it and two more just like it, say, to the river. you eat a sandwich and watch miss potter, which is actually a great movie. then, say you go back to bed after taking more of the anti-headache crap. only to have the hollering repeat when the brood returns. has that ever happened to you? man, it's been the same headache all freaking day. then, when i get to work, and the headache is packing its bags? fire alarm. complete with epilepsy-inducing flashing lights and screechy siren.

yup. not a happy camper. but thanks for stopping by.

so... have you ever been screwing around in your car? i don't mean fornicating, for pete's sake. but maybe reaching under the seats to make sure there's nothing under there - except maybe four cups you kinda forgot were in your car to begin with? i don't do this while driving, mind you. but, i was messing about in my car, and i found this tape. yeah, i still have a tape player in my car. shush. the cd player's in the trunk. anyway, this tape. it's so old, the writing on the cover is bleached out. it's a mix tape. i can barely see the loops of the handwriting that used to be there. but i know who gave it to me.

way back in 1999, i lived in seattle, washington. at the end of the year, i would beat the snot out of the savage with a baseball bat after he came at me with a knife. but around the middle of the year, i was really good friends with three women. one of them was kim hojaboom. i think that was her last name. it was something like that. anyway, we seemed to hang out a lot, and we liked a lot of the same music and stuff. the mix tape was from her.

now, the tape is full of music that was cool in seattle in 1999. i stuck it in the tape player, where it's been for the last few days. some of it, i still kinda like. some of it, i forgot i ever liked. and still more of it, i can't figure out why i liked it to begin with. it's still in the tape player because i keep forgetting to put new cd's in the trunk.

alas.

you know, people are kind of the same way. say you run into someone you used to be real close with. and you talk, because this person has history with you. soon, you start thinking about the person you were when you knew this person, and how different you are now. or maybe not. maybe you're still in the same space, and you reconnect with an old friend. that's great. i mean it. but... well. the person i was when i moved to portland is not the person i am today. sure, some of the same elements are here. i'm still a short female with this attitude. well, some of the time i have the attitude. but i listen to more jazz and blues than i did six or whatever years ago. i wear more tennis shoes. i know how to coordinate an outfit, usually. i - god help me - carry a purse now. and i knit. my cat's fatter, and i'm about the same. meaning, i gained a bunch of weight and then lost it. hope it fell behind the sofa, because i'll never find it there. i still wear the same turtle necklace. that people have been asking me about more and more.

i'm not really a turtle person. i mean, i had one when i was a kid. i named him spuds mackenzie, because i was real original. he pooped in the house once. turtles are weird-looking. their necks especially. but, after i beat the snot out of the savage and he started stalking me in a creepy, moving-furniture-about-while-i-was-at-work kind of way, i moved back to california. where i hid out for about a year. i was, essentially, a turtle hiding in its shell. seriously, i don't think anyone that knows me now would recognize me then. i mean, it's not like i'm physically altered. it has more to do with how i carry myself. YMCrae said saturday night that i have pretty good posture. back then, i slouched in an effort to make myself even smaller. i wouldn't make eye contact, and for sure not with men. any one of them could smell the victim in me, and drag me back to their cave to beat me up some more. i actually had this horrible joke going with my friend henry. i knew him back in high school, and he needed a roommate about the same time i needed to hide. i was pretty sure that the abusers of the world had some kind of crazy hotline going. when an abused spouse or child got away, all the bad men knew about it. like an amber alert. and one of them would find me and finish the job the savage couldn't.

someone asked me recently why i stayed with him for four years, because i don't seem like the kind of person that would stand for that. the truth is, he said he'd kill me if i left. he would hunt me down, and kill me. six-plus years later, i'm still alive.

back to the turtle. i wear this necklace every day. i take it off only at the gym. it reminds me that it's okay to hide sometimes. but i can't live inside my head forever, just like the turtle can't live balled up in his shell forever. we both have to come out, to check out the world at the very least. if it's safe, we can stay out longer. i keep it on all the time because i'm at risk for living inside my shell, or inside my head. and that's not healthy.

i say this because i've noticed i'm becoming more bold. there are times when i totally don't trust myself, and that's just how it is. we were driving saturday night, and a drunk guy was crossing the street, against the light, not in the crosswalk. i had to slow to a stop to let him pass, and i made some really loud obnoxious statement out my open window. i heard the guy coming running up to the car, and i heard YMCrae's mild panic, but i sat there and did nothing until he grabbed me. i turned the car down another street, and we kept going.

yeah, some random guy grabbed me with the intention, i think, of pulling me out of the car and beating me. just like i used to fear. and... i felt nothing. seriously. i get more of a jolt after talking to the crush, yo.

so, maybe yelling at crazy drunks is not okay. but, neither is living like a scared little turtle inside my head. and that mix tape reminds me that outside of my head, people do kinda love me. even if they choose songs that are stupid to tell me. it's the thought that counts. screw the rest of it.

thanks for stopping by.

so, yeah. i've had, like, zilch for energy for the last five or seven days. i mean, it's been a little on the warm side and all, but really now... should i feel like this much ass? i'm also having a hard time sleeping, which is really pissing me off. because the house is void of people, except myself and the cat. and cecil sometimes. anyway, i should be sleeping like the dead. alas, that has not been the case.

so, i was thinking about all this today. what the hell is wrong with me now? is this a prequel for another, fresher version of hell? it wasn't until about 20 minutes ago that i realized - i haven't eaten any meat for five or seven days. i'm not a big meat eater in general. i mean, i dig the bacon, and i really like chicken lunch meat. but i don't usually eat beef or anything. birds and fish, mostly. and, the last time i had meat products was... uh... about five or seven days ago. so, my body's not quite adjusted to this cold-turkey thing. heh. and the cat is not amused. i'm using tofurkey and stuff like that for sandwiches, and she really wants what i'm having. i let her smell it, and she looks at me like, what are you doing? you have thumbs! get the chicken! i'm worried she's going to catch a bird and expect me to make her a sandwich.

so, i'll be fine once i get used to this. and remember to take my vitamins every damn day. and, uh... pick up my prescription.

today, i busted out the wool winder - aka sir windy - and turned my skeins into balls. a task that would be much easier if i had a swift (which i just tried to look up on wikipedia, but all they had was a bird), or a cooperative cecil. see, skeins are hunks of yarn all twisted up and pretty (see the last post for the aged lush's skein, if you've never seen one before). you untwist it, and roll it into a ball. usually, i loop the yarn in question around two dining room chairs and have at it. since cecil was about, and he likes to help if i promise to feed him after, we looped the yarn around his forearms. it wasn't long before he was complaining that i was taking too long. it takes as long as it takes, i said. and, i reminded him that if cary grant can hold that one nurse's yarn in that one movie, he sure as hell can hold mine.

and cecil said, what cary grant movie?

now, i've no idea how y'all feel about old romantic comedies. personally, i'm not too interested in them. but, i got roped into i was a male war bride several years ago. it was on cable, and i was having a crap day. and, well... i love cary grant. it's not as funny as arsenic and old lace, which is like saying that the star wars movies are better science fiction movies than the indiana jones' movies. when i mention war bride to people, they show me their best blank face. seriously... it's a good movie. go rent it. rent both of them. write it down.

i explained the plot as best i could remember to cecil, who agreed that it sounded great and maybe he could hold my yarn a bit longer. then he asked me if i had ever seen pillow talk. dude, have i. i was expecting something different than what it actually is, which is a romantic comedy. but it's still a good movie.

so, we kinda had a siskel & ebert afternoon. where i found out i'm lousy with names of alfred hitchcock movies. like, what's that one about the guy that kills women with his tie? for the longest time, i thought it was the necktie killer. i... er, just looked it up. it's frenzy, and it's really good and creepy-ish. and, cecil and i have different favorite hitchcock movies. his is rear window, mine is the trouble with harry. and, of course, frenzy. oh, and the birds.

i love it when nature fights back. thanks for stopping by.

i feel ill. i'm not sure why. but seriously... i didn't get much sleep today, and i spent an obscene amount of time sewing the serrano cardigan together. as i type this, it's sitting in its final soak, before its final block.

sewing can suck my left one on this. it made me want to kick a baby. okay, not physically kick a baby, but i thought about it, and that's kinda angry.

so, i have very little to tell. but a few things to show.

serrano, pre-soak. it really is lovely. and it looks more complicated than it is. except for the sewing.

a closeup of the lacy goodness. dude, seriously... it was fun to knit. oh, and bits of my fingers.

bubbles inside a club thursday night. they look sort of freakish.

musicians on a stage thursday night. again, a bit blurry. i must have been atwitter or something.

best sign ever. i'm not really sure why.

special yarn for the special aged lush.

the place that will teach me how to make yarn. maybe this is why i was atwitter last week.

just a joyful rock.

the hair color has mutated from red to brownish. brown with medium rare highlights or something. and... oh, great. you can see that giant zit on my chin. lovely.

she is not amused. thanks for stopping by. 

my dad used to say that all the time. for no apparent reason. too hip, gotta go. where the hell is that from? is that a hippie thing? he did used to be a hippie. now i think he's a libertarian.

you know, you grow.

lots of stuff happening right now. i bellydanced for fun and profit monday night, so that was good times. i'm getting my assorted crappe together for my school application, because it's due next week. or is it the week after? very soon, let's just say that. so, kinda antsy about that. i have the house to myself for maybe the rest of the week, thank jeebus. seriously... i'm looking forward to having my own place again. i rather like having a lot of quiet. or, you know, my own personal noise.

going to visit moi nex month, so that should be all crazy like. she's even buying a bed for me to sleep on. i... uh... almost gave in to my inner 12-year-old boy and said, for me to poop on. man, i'm retarded.

and... uh... i got a ton of junk to take care of right now. damn patients, what with the getting sick and all. thanks for stopping by.

hm.

so, thursday? my doctor appointment got cancelled. i called in a favor, and got my drugs refilled. and i have to make an appointment with my real doctor when she comes back from vacation. who knew that doctors get free time? oh, and my appointment was cancelled because the doctor called in sick. i don't know why i think this is funny, but i do.

i did do something bad. after i stopped for coffee, i drove over to one of my favorite yarn shops in sellwood. and they had some yarn that i needed. okay, not really. but... the aged lush i work with gave me a bunch of converse a while back. they don't give her enough support, so she can't wear them. i got four pairs of barely-worn shoes for nothing. so, i thought it would be nice if i made her a pair of socks. now, she's a huge green bay packers fan. and my yarn shop there carries crazy sock yarn, including a few lines that are dyed in the school colors of local colleges. like the university of oregon. who just happen to have the same colors as the packers. and... uh... they had a some laceweight yarn for cheap. and i didn't need it, but dude... over 1300 yards for 15 bucks? that's like... um... more than 87 yards per dollar. and it was in black. i'm sure i need some black lace.

suddenly, i'm an italian widow. who knew?

thursday night, i went to dante's and had a fabulous time. and, i had a bajillion texts from moi, telling me to ask the crush to coffee. and... i'm a bit of a tool. i shoulda, because it was a good opportunity. but i couldn't do it. i could barely say hi to him. because, yeah... he was there. i wasn't there for him, and that's not really a joke. i do love me some casey neill. and some whisky.

and some walking twenty or so blocks back to my car, because i parked close to powell's to look for a book. i may have been sweaty and shiny.

i do have pictures. some of which i will share with you's. but... well, you know. just not today.

friday, i got duped by pretty people. see, YMCrae and i went for pedicures. because she'd had a lousy week, and having someone tool around with your feet will always make you feel better. and... well. it appears i'm sensitive about my eyebrows. so, when i sat down in the pedicure chair, the reception girl asks me, you're getting your eyebrows done, right? i said i wasn't planning on it, but did it look like i needed it? she said yes. so, yeah. it was a total upsell thing, which is kind of embarrassing. but, i'm susceptible to that sort of thing, so after my toes were pretty, i followed the woman into the wax room, where she did very subtle and nice things to my face. as she applied the wax, i thought, this right here is how people become high-maintenance.

and then she ripped it off.

oh! friday morning, after waiting for only 20 minutes, i had my dentist appointment. and i quite like my new tooth. no holes, it's purty, it chews quite well. usually, i have to wait 30 minutes or more to see my dentist. and it's no good showing up late. they just make you wait longer. and apparently, i don;t get my teeth cleaned this year. the lady says i'm due for a cleaning, and she only does it on tuesdays and thursdays. and even though i don't know if school is a certainty, i'm planning like it is. which means no appointments on tuesdays or thursdays. and rather than refer me to another clinic - they have, like, eleventeen - she says, well, that's all we can do. so, i'm going to call tomorrow and go to another clinic. the jerks.

i kinda finished serrano. and i realized - i started this cardigan when i was blondish-brunette. now, i have dark red hair. which, by the way, was supposed to be temporary, and rinse out after 28 or so shampoos. it's been 28 by now, i'm sure. and very little fading has happened. i have roots. i have problems. anyway, my hair is red. the cardigan is red. i could have a problem. anyway, i finished the knitting part of the cardigan. now i just have to sew the bits together. and i can't sew very well. so, that should be fun.

i also meant to take my glasses to the place i bought them, to have them adjusted. because, when i put them on, they're way crooked. but i kinda forgot. i hope to get it done this week.

and... well, i've just been having a good time. i really like having three days off. i think maybe i'm a closeted lazy ass. i know what you're thinking. what do you mean, closeted? you hardly posted last week! yeah, but i got a lot of laundry done. although, i have neglected to buy cat little. and my cat has... um... some stink to her innards. i should write that down. buy more freaking litter.

uh, i'm going to stop there. thanks for coming over.

um...

that's all i got right now. thanks for stopping by.

i got this bulletin thinger from a lady we'll call asher. in the subject area, she had typed "bunnies!" it was a flyer for a music thing she's doing, but i'm still kinda laughing about that subject.

bunnies. heh.

so, i've been working a lot and doing little else this week. i do, however, have thursday night off, which i normally don't. i took it off specifically to go watch the amazing casey neill do his thing. and it had nothing to do with the crush, i don't care what anyone says. ahem. anyway... it seems like my dance card, such as it is, is rather full this next few days. not all of it is awesome-cool-fun-time, though. thursday morning looks like this:

run to the gym, sweat more of my ass off, knit on the sock, get to a doctor appointment that's in the same building as my gym (rather convenient, that),maybe get new drugs to keep my heart inside my chest - not to mention my lunch inside my stomach. stop by the store on my way home, because z managed to destroy a full bottle of lemon juice wednesday afternoon, and i am an iced-tea freak and i can't drink my tea without lemon juice. there's cleaning to be done, and eleventeen loads of laundry (i had no idea i had that many pairs of undies, but i learn something new every day) that i'd really like to transform into clean clothes.

i will need to avoid the cat-killing baby staying at our house. no, that's not a joke. and yes, ophelia's fine.

after what i hope will be a nap, i should get to this one place (imbibe) to do this one thing (happy hour - hi asher!). but, i'm not so sure about that. see, i have a strong dislike for going to happy hour by myself. and no, i'm pretty sure my fair few friends are not interested in going with me, based on things they have said and done. then, i think i said i'd meet up with cecil for something-or-other (god help me if he asks me to look at a boil on his bum or something), and then... uh... at some point i get to see casey neill.

friday, i have a dentist appointment. i get my real tooth, so yay! but, i have to be there at 8:30 in the freaking morning, so boo! and not a moment too soon - i think there's a hole in my new frankentooth. i don't know why i'm so hard on fake teeth. seriously - it's not like i sit here and crack walnuts in my mouth or anything.

later friday - because i'm pretty sure i'll want to go back to sleep after the dentist numbs my entire goddamn head- i have the usual plans with YMCrae. and... uh... there's this thing i want to go to, at imbibe again. but i doubt i'll get YMCrae to agree to that. last week, i got the feeling she was twitching to escape the place. so, that might not happen. but it might. i do get my way more often than i care to admit.

saturday, there will be knitting. and another music thinger at night. i forced capt clydesdale to endure the majesty of dr theopolis last weekend, and i think he's going again with me this weekend. now... i can't tell you what i saw, but i'm sure the capt is mighty glad i didn't take video of it happening. and then there was that moment where i startled the holy hell out of the crush by hugging him. i have witnesses.

as an aside... i sent the crush this email, right? it was very suave, in my opinion. and moi's, because i texted her the rough draft as it popped into my head. the gist of it was... the guy he keeps seeing me with (that would be the captain) is not my boyfriend. and i was subtle, in a not-so-subtle way. now, i was halfway hoping for some kind of response. not that the email i sent required it. but... you know. something. i need to be encouraged, or at the very least have a sense of him not feeling freaked out by me. i guess i have to ask direct questions and use small words. because while he is perfect in every way (shush. you live your fantasy, i'll live mine), he is still a male. and sometimes, males need simple things. like direct questions and small words. although... there was a lot of direct eye contact betwixt the two of us. maybe i should just take that as my encouragement. any thoughts? the floor is open.

by the way, women sometimes could also benefit from the direct-questions-and-small-words way of communicating. i'm just saying, is all.

anyway... my point is, my free time is ruled by music. and knitting. and checking to make sure my cat has not been killed by a baby.

and... gnomes and bunnies are cool. thanks for stopping by.

man... i'm so hungry right now. i came to work early, which means i maybe didn't eat earlier like i shoulda.

and... uh. dude. i'm the man! i mean, aside from the complete lack of a penis. saturday night, i walked right up to the crush and a-hugged him. i maybe took him by suprise. i was thinking later that maybe he didn't recognize me or something, because he kept staring at me. capt. clydesdale was present, and he would ask the crush something, and the crush would answer looking at me. so... i choose to believe the following: he thinks i looked hot, and he couldn't take his eyes off me.

that is my story and i'm totally sticking to it.

hm. let's see... i finished a sock, which is cause for serious whooping sounds. but, as i told moi, i was irked because by the time i'm done with this pattern, i will have made three of these socks. and that makes me grumpy. i'd throw a fit, but my skirt is not appropriate for that tonight. i need something poofier. then i could throw myself on the ground and have a proper spazzing out.

i finished the glovelets for YMCrae, and i'm making a consolation prize with the leftover yarnage. i've been a complete slacker, and taken pictures of nothing for ravelry. or for here.

i think i drowned my roses. they're on the back patio, drying out, as we speak.

i've been reading some books. my favorite thing to do in too-warm weather is turn on the fan, and lay on my bed reading. i read judy blume's wifey this weekend. now... i was not prepared for that. this is the woman that wrote are you there god? it's me, margaret. i associate her name with slightly younger books. and i haven't read her other grown-up novels. and... well, what about that masturbating motorcyclist? see? see? if you haven't read it, that's probably disconcerting. it was a good book.

the book i really recommend, though, is a round-heeled woman, by jane juska. if you're a guy, you may not like it. anyway, juska writes this great personals ad. the book is about her adventures with the med she meets through the ad. it's a good read. i have the sequel at home, so i'll keep y'all posted.

and, i'm re-reading the lost weekend. although, i don't know if this counts as re-reading, since i didn't finish it the first time. but since i don't know where exactly i left off, i'm starting at the beginning.

i'm also becoming slightly addicted to battlestar galactica. the newer series. i must have put it on my list at the library, because it showed up last week. it's fun. i knit while watching it.

okay, dudes... i became totally obsessed with the show carnivale ealier this summer. man, i tell you... getting an entire season of a show at the library is a great way to spend your free time. anyway, it's only two seasons long, and it was totally meant to be a six-season show. however, i knew none of this going into it. so, what cecil and i thought was the series finale? total cliffhanger. those HBO bastards. it's a good show despite that. i really hope HBO pulls their collective head from out their arse and start making more.

... just as aside, i was thinking about the movie jewel of the nile. oh, shut up. like y'all never watched it. i'm the only one here that totally thought kathleen turner and michael douglas shoulda had babies together. uh huh. anyway, i seemed to be saying, "oh, ralph, that is not the sufi way" a lot in the last few days. that's a line from the movie.

and... man, i'm really hungry. i'm stopping there. thanks for coming over. tip your waiters.

(NOTE: this may be depressing, and for that i am a little sorry. while i am not really depressed at the moment, i am... conflicted. i know y'all come here for humor, but i'm not always funny.)

it's saturday morning, and i'm knitting a sock. well, i was before i picked up the computer. i was sitting here, thinking. i'm not sure that i could call myself depressed at the moment, i'm certainy not a ray of golden sunshine. like anyone else on the planet, i have the good days and the bad. and i don't know if i'm the only one that does this, but i tend to give myself a complex by over-analzing every damn thing. like..

... i really should have said something to the crush last night when i saw him. i was happy enough to have him wave at me. i'm such a silly girl. i mean, really now. he smiles and waves, and i feel like the queen of everything. maybe i'll see him tonight, and i can apologize.

... that girl last night, giving me a look that clearly stated i wish you would die. am i a threat to her? was she there with the crush, and she disliked that we had an eye-contact moment (that probably meant more to me than it did to him)? does it really matter? i've never looked at a stranger with as much hatred as she had for me.

... while i was totally happy to make up for other slightly rude behavior by introducing myself to someone i meant to introduce myself to on thursday (are you keeping up with me here?) (and, am i on some kind of rude streak?), i did have to wonder. she said she was glad to finally meet me. and i was glad to meet her, and i think that maybe this person and i could be friends, because i think we have stuff in common. but... why was she glad to meet me? does she read this? in which case - hi! i'm happy to know you! ahem. do i have a presence i'm not aware of? or is she simply being polite? i bet she was being polite. it stayed in my head for a few hours after. and, i was so distracted i didn't introduce YMCrae at all. see? it's a rude streak. a rude and stupid streak.

... i'm terrified that i'll have to change my anti-anxiety medication. what i take now, i take in a very small dose. and i've had two minor panic attacks this week. i took a little more than a regular dose before going out friday, because i kinda knew i was just asking for an episode, and it sedated me so much i wanted to put my head down on the table. which does not make a good impression. i just don't want to be a pill popper. i mean no offense if you are a pill popper. i'm just not very good with pills, is all.

... i was having a near-invincible day early friday, so i decided to do something that normally deflates me. i used to be quite the fatass - shush, it's true - and i worry about my weight. yes, partly because i do want to be physically nice to look at. but also because too much weight on my skeleton can make my scoliosis worse. the heavier i am, the harder it is for me to be as physical as i'd like to be. i know i mentioned a few posts back that i'd lost a fair few inches, and i'd be okay if they didn't keep in touch, you know? anyway, in a fit of optimism, i tried on this skirt that hasn't fit in over a year. i think that's odd, how we women, in general, will hang on to items of clothing we can't wear, with the hope that we will be able to wear them again. it's a little freakish, but we all do it. and if you say you don't, i'm gonna have to declare you a liar and a fat-mouth. anyway, i take out the skirt - i couldn't even get it zipped up in january of this year - and put it on, it fits. i love this skirt. it's very pretty. and it fits. i don't mind telling you, it's a size medium. and it's just the smallest bit loose. it fits it fits. and i go out to the kitchen, z takes one look at me and asks if i'm going to the sandy festival. which is her way of saying, you look like white trash. and i know i don't, but it really hurt. this woman, that i used to call my best friend, and who was probably a bit drunk, is able to destroy what little self-worth i have with one sentence. and i have to thank YMCrae for saying what she said - f*ck her, you look great. i love YMCrae.

...obviously, my living situation is not optimal. at least i can comfort myself by telling myself i won't be here that much longer. i can't stand being minimized in such a way. and being torn down when i kinda need a nice word or two. the best case scenario - i go to school in the fall, i finish in february, and i can get my own place again. worst case scenario - i don't get into school, i look for a job that's not graveyard, and i get my own place. i'm not a co-dependent person, and should stop acting like one.

... i think i may have mentioned this before. i figured out a while ago that one of the reasons i continue to work at night is because i lack confidence. i mean, yes. i make more money at night, i'm an insomniac so it's convienient, it kinda works for school. blah blah blah. the truth is, working such a weird shift gives me an excuse to not go out much. and not meet people. and not live my life. i have such a fear that i'm going to just screw up all over again that it's almost easier to minimize myself. to try to make myself invisible. but, i've developed a bit of confidence. i may have found it behind the sofa, who knows. but i'm starting to get angry at myself. for trying to make myself invisible. in a way, i have become my own worse enemy.

and now, i have a sock to finsih, i may not know who y'all are, but i appreciate you being you. thanks for stopping by.