badrabbyt

i sure as heck did.

so, i just barely got out of my spinning class. i'm not a natural, meaning, i didn't churn out perfect yarn the first go-round. but i did rent a spinning wheel to take home and practice with. it's in the backseat of my car as i type.

that makes me laugh.

so, i've been... uh, knitting. a bit. my new rule is that i can start one project for every two i finish. you know, to clear up the backlog or whatever. and... did i say that i have to take something apart (again)? that lovely serrano cardigan i finished not log ago? the sleeves don't fit right. so, i have to un-sew, rip back and re-knit. which is no big deal, really. i do love to knit. but... i have to take it apart. that's the frustrating thing. de-constructing something you've recently constructed. i think i may have wept a bit when i realized what i would have to do.

and i bought yarn. there was a going-out-of-business sale, which was so sad. but i scored some dope, dudes.

this is called 'touch me'. i swear to you. it looks like velvet rope.

lavendar velvet rope. it's going to be a purty cabled scarf. that i actually started, because i had finished serrano. and this.

another scarf. but the yarn - if you could call it that - was crazy. it was like fishnet or something. obviously, it's not finished here. i went to a movie on saturday, and finished it there. it still needs a bath. it's a goofy scarf. i'm  all atwitter to wear it. somewhere, anywhere.

some lovely cotton that will grow up to be a shrug, i think. i don't usually like cotton yarns. it's nothing personal against them because they're cotton. they just don't usually turn my head. you understand.

but these two? good gravy. the bad thing about going-out-of-business sales is that they have what they have. meaning, if you only find four skeins of a color that you have a crazy sudden love for, that's all they got. good luck finding it elsewhere. you can, but it's similar to a needle in a haystack. and that color is far more vibrant live and in person.

still working on the pink acrylic thing. it's large and cumbersome at the moment. 

now, to change topic randomly...

i was waiting for z's plane to get in a while back. the truck next to me had balls. i think one of them had a crab. and yeah - they are gold balls. 

our table at the doug fir. a lit cube. it's kinda like tron up in there.

dude. best sorbet ever. and how can you not love how the little berries are dressed up like pirates? it's berried treasure! get it? see... oh, never mind. it's so yummy. 

and... i was cleaning out my closet, and i found a white skirt. which is crazy enough. i'm going to justify it and tell you that it's made of linen. but... well. check the fringe. little shiny mirrors. that make a clinky noise when i walk.

that's all i got for now. thanks for stopping by. 

first, that body worlds exhibit thing i went to tuesday morning? amazing. and just a bit creepy. i mean - yeah, they're dead people. posed to give you a good look at what you look like sans skin. so, that's kind of odd. but, while i was totally fascinated by it all... their eyes are creepy. they have taxidermy eyes (eyes do not keep well, i tell you. and these are too shiny to be real), which will forever creep me out. it's not like i had a traumatic experience involving taxidermy eyes, or a museum exhibit or something. i just don't like them.

cecil went with me. and he lasted about 45 minutes. he told me we were done when he saw the sliced open penis. dissected north to south, if you get my meaning. and still attached to a body. but... well, we still have another set of tickets. he has to go again. he said later that it was just startling, and now that he knows it's there, he'll be okay.

so guys - there's a sliced wang attached to one of the bodies. fair warning.

and further... it was tuesday morning, and the place was pretty packed. z bought tickets for a saturday, and i'm a little afraid of what kind of madhouse the place will be. now, i try to be unobtrusive. but i have a hard time appreciating things when other people are making crass jokes. seriously, grow the hell up. i have issues, yes. but when people are being so juvenile (that one had a small penis, that one has a dirty anus... i'm not kidding. just retarded behavior), i just want to smack them. so, i tried to stay away from other people. which is hard in a crowd.

but the best thing ever? they had a kid's t-shirt in the gift shop. the blood circulation... of a rabbit. cecil bought it for me. i hope it fits. pictures to come, i promise.

and yeah, i have pictures this time, too. and, after two years of blogging, i figured out how to make them full-size. rock on!

the indignity of being my cat. she loves to suck up the remnants from the tuna tin (it's dolphin safe, so chill), and i rather like making her look idiotic.

seriously. this is payback for all her noxious flatulence.

i'm not sure if she knows that's the wrong side for manifesto writing.

i may have mentioned that, while in hawai, i finished my monkey socks. man, they are so badass!

my calves look rather nice here. i have ginormous calves. they're not fat, just really muscular. and i dig these socks. so much, in fact, that i worry about wearing them. because that means they're closer to being worn out. however, they are wool, so they may sit in the waaaay ful sock drawer for a few months. and... you can see the cuff of my gnome pants. shexy is how we roll.

baudelaire, possibly misspeled. these, i'm excited about. usually, i knit socks from the top down. these are from the toe up. and that picture? taken shortly after i departed the plane. i'm quite the fidgeter. so, i was quite productive on the plane.

as long as i'm rolling with the yarn porn...

i arrived maybe 15 minutes late at the book reading on friday evening. and this was as close as i got to the harlot:

i had to hold the camera up over my head and hope for the best, just to get that. and as i already mentioned, i chickened out while having my books signed, and failed to get a close-up. someday... i'll be a real person that doesn't over-analyze every move. someday.

finally, the best nap ever.

thanks for stopping by.

okay, so the saturday post did not happen. i suck, and we all know i'm going to hell. but, i did press an assload of buttons on my new camera, and i have some exciting stuff to show you. 

but first, how awesome is this?

i ask you. thanks to chezburger for scouring the internets and tagging bizarre animal pictures. good times.

so, as per usual, friday night was YMCrae and i's night to go to clyde's (which is verra close to being our own personal cheers), and make fun of people. now, i did take my camera, which cements my reign of dorkitude. yes, that's a word. but i did not take pictures of the... uh... elderly group love thing happening at the next table. YMCrae said we ought to leave before i was roped into their polyamorous freak-out. i don't know why this is, but threesomes at bars make me uncomfortable. i don't mean, like, three people in a group, just kickin' it. i mean a threesome that is clearly on intimate terms with one another's undies. this one made my skin crawl largely because of the guy. i shouldn't say they were elderly, because he was probably in his 50s or 60s. but he had creepy hair, and he wore a leather vest. it's my personal opinion that non-motorcycle drivers should not wear leather vests past the age of 45.

anyway. more folks kept coming over to sit at this table, and one of them tried to put her ashtray down in front of me. at our table. and i don't smoke. i glared, and i might have kicked her, accidentally on purpose, then she removed her ashtray.

asshat. we left shortly thereafter. but not before i tested out my shiny toy in less-than-optimal lighting.

er, the back of the keyboard guy in the band. i'm not sure if you can see her real well, but on the left side of the picture, there's a lady wearing white pants and a yellow-ish top. it was a zip-up jackt sort of thing, and it had zip-up pockets. when she got up to dance, the zippers were right where her nipples would probably be, and it gave the impression of her wearing pasties. it was not all that sexy.

i've been calling this 'sassypants'. earlier friday, i got a packaged addressed to 'sassypants', from moi. it was a fabulous cd, which makes me love her all the more. but it cracked me up. z dog thought it was my middle name. i told him it could be his new name. i'd like to see him insist on that in school. anyway... YMCrae in her glasses (which i love; the glasses make her even hotter), and me. in my mini-ish skirt. sassypants sans pants, if you will.

so, after the polyamorous group started to metastize, we relocated to biddy mcgraw's. i made YMCrae have a glass of wine, and it was not the best. she actually said it tasted like menstrual urine. uh... it wasn't that bad. and i took another picture.

yes, i will master the damn camera. there really is a band at the far end of that vortex. eh. i do love, however, that the camera does this weird red-light action before it snaps the picture. like i've got a laser sight or somesuch. and the camera has no name just yet. but it's coming.

and lookee here!

finished the damn wool socks that were meant to be a christmas present. i designed them more or less on my own. and they almost match.

they are quite warm, and less itchy now that they've been through the wash. hope they keep a certain someone's tootsies warm in the winter. now that it's nearing summer. not that the weather is any indication. friday afternoon, it was haining at my house. it's flipping may, people.

now that these are done, i can play with my pretty purple yarn... making another pair of socks. they're my portable project. and everything else on the needles is in a non-portable state.

finally, it's lunchtime. or that's what my stomach's telling me. so, i leave you with this:

she really dislikes the flash. i mean, she despises it with a hate more powerful than sunshine.

thanks for stopping by.

seriously, y'all don't know.

you can't guess at how happy this makes me. dude, that is a rounded sock toe. rounded. like that high-class junk they gots in the stores. you know i sent that picture to cecil, just to rub it in. he's not here to witness my round-toe action.

i may be a dork.

so, okay. i used to be the anti-knitted sock gal, but things have changed. socks are a good travel-size, provided you're not trying to get through security at the airport. and my other projects are not of a portable variety. but this fits in my bookbag, i take it to school and work, and i only work on it away from the house. and this is my... uh... seventh sock ever, first in the fourth pair ever. and i'm designing it myself. which means... yeah. i don't know what-all i did. i mean, i kinda know, but this'll teach me to not make notes. i started it's twin brother (it's a manly colorway, so they're evil boy twins) last night, and i'll be working that heel before this weekend. workin' it, i say.

now i know i'm a dork. i'm using sock humor. only the yarn harlot does that sort of thing. she's not a dork, by the way. and she's coming in june. i plan to represent. and maybe have a sock. i already have some books for her to sign. provided i can work up the nerve to talk to her.

sheesh.

the full sock monty. seriously, is there something wrong with the air in here? i'm giggling my ass off. that pciture is totally wack. but it is self-striping yarn, and it is a wavy-ish pattern in a manly colorway.

new yarn. or, new-ish. i don't know what it's going to be just yet, but it's sock yarn. so, it's either socks or gloves/ gauntlets. it's kinda more vibrant that the picture shows. due to the weird-ass weather (it's heading quickly toward may, and it goddamn hailed today), i've had to take pictures indoors, using white paper in a plastic slipcover. i've no idea why i didn't just take the damn slipcover off. or get a white towel. but there it is.

people, i have a problem. it's an addiction, and i am powerless over it. but this? this is going to be monkey, i think. maybe. i'll know more when i wind them bitches up. if this is self-striping yarn, it may not work. i don't know why, but i'm starting to dislike patterns that involve the self striping yarn. it seems like two fabulous elements are competing. and these are just socks. they're inside my shoes. there should be no battle there. anyway... all this super-soft and purty yarn makes me wanna roll around nekkid in it.

there will be no pictures of that. you're welcome.

moving on - did i mention the skirt lately?

this skirt? the one i knitted, ripped back because i screwed up royally, and finally finished re-knitting? the one with horizontal stripes for visual enlargement of my already ample-enough-thank-you-verra-much arse? the wool skirt i finished just in time for spring?

yeah, that one. it's done. the floor wears it well.

now, i was up in ne portland sometime within the last month or so (well, it's true), and i noticed all these damn bunnies. most of them are spray painted on various walls and what-have-you, but this one

was on a tile in front of a children's-related whatsit. after getting an herbal chai - now, lemme pause for a moment. i love the chai. love it. and normally, i get iced chai of the oregon chai variety. this time, i got me one of them there herbal chai's (i hear some people dig it when i talk like a hick, so there you have that) (and i know damn well that this isn't really talking, but until i start doing an interpretive performance of my blog, this is the best you'll be getting). and... well...

i don't recommend it. but back to the bunnies.

so, the damn rabbits. sprayed everywhere. i don't know why. however, i do believe that this is some sort of sign that, when i'm ready to buy my own personal rabbyt hutch, i should do it in this area. you know, just sayin'.

and finally, this week's gratuitious pussy shot:

she looks like she's saying something like, "we are NOT amused. take down those pictures of us licking our bums, and create some bacon." or, you know... she's got gas. whichever.

thanks for stopping by.

(so, apparently moi is having trouble getting to my bloggy whatsit here. i was curious if anyone else is also having issues. but then, if you're reading this, i'd say you got here just fine.

but if you are having technical difficulties, please let me know. my web hosting service is french, but they are usually quite good about fixing boo-boos.

thank you. we now return to our regularly scheduled post. brought to you by the french. and carmen, the sexy laptop. and the number 4.)

i don't recall how i got to thinking about this the other day, but i was thinking about how weird it is that i'm so traditional. i mean, besides the tattoo, body piercings and colorful history. i knit, listen to billie holiday and etta james (not exclusively, but you get the idea), i like cooking, i swore off swearing. i could almost be someone's grandmother. a grandmother that knows how to maneuver a motorcycle, but still. i exhibit a lot of non-traditional traits, to be sure, but in general.

so, i was thinking about how i was never a slut. a whorish person. it's not that i don't like sex - to be sure, it's one of my favorite ways to get sweaty - but i've never been that girl. the one that sleeps with whomever will have her. i've always been a bit of a prude in that respect. i can be dirty, but not with more than one person at a time. yeah, the pronoun thing - i've been with women. wasn't into it. moving on... i'm strictly a 'going steady' girl. i think i was thinking about the ex-mister at some point. he has a lot of good qualities, i'm sure. but he'll sleep with anyone that will have him, especially if it gets him what he wants. he wasn't really that way when we were together, but it would appear he is now. or he was the last time i heard from him, or a friend saw him in action.

this actually ties in with another post coming, about my parents, but it works here as well - due to my upbringing, i was exposed to a lot of weird behavior as a child. my parents never had any kind of 'sex' talk with me. everything i know about the act, i've learned from my dad's porn collection and nudie magazines. at this point, i'd like to say - it's creepy to read the rough draft of an ad your parents are planning on putting in a swingers' magazine. oh, ugh. when i had my period the first time, i thought there was something wrong with me. my mom had had a hysterectomy after i showed up, so it's not like she kept that kind of product in the house.

anyway... i just had this whole post all ready to go, and the internet lost it. pardon me for a moment while i grumble and throw things...

but, back to me being a traditional goober. i've never been that girl. the one who dates more than one guy at a time. i'm selfish, jealous, and greedy. i don't want to share, say, the crush with some other amorous women. i don't know that you can call that morals. but i know what i want, and it involves one guy and an assload of laughter. am i a freak that i don't want to share a boyfriend? do i really have to move to alaska to make this happen?

the body piercing thing - i had my navel pierced forever ago, and the savage ripped it out. nice. then, i had my nipple pierced - the left one, if anyone's keeping tabs - and it was healing nicely. until the ex-mister put his mouth on it. knowing now what i know, it seems fitting that his mouth infected my boob.  i removed it about a year or so later. now, it's strictly ink in the skin, thanks.

and that nipple ring made an already sensitive thing even more sensitive. i could detect a breeze in the next county. i was always saying things like, "wise woman nipple say..." when talking to close friends. it was like having some kind of storm watch in my bra. late breaking news! film at eleven! everything had an exclamation point in there!

now that i'm tired of re-typing everything i wanted to say - i'm sorry if this seems stilted, i blame the connection here, that says it's connected but lies out its ass - i'm changing lanes with no turn signal. i have pictures.

i went to spartacus with the intention of buying moi some porn. i have now decided that porn selection is a personal issue, and she will have to go there for herself (even if it's to gawk at their back room; wow). but i did see these:

and i saw them before i saw the sign that said no cell phone use in the store, and no taking pictures in the store. now, i'm not so retarded that i think those shoes are for walking, but... holy christcakes! the one on the left is clearly for the leather-clad ballerina in all of us. the one on the right... well, if you're really, really short. i jus can't stop staring at them. i'm afflicted with the shoe disease. it's contagious.

that same night, i went to the grocer, and i saw the prettiest orchids ever. and this is the crappiest picture ever of them. they really were lovely. just pretend, okay?

i think i mentioned that the midwife, at work, gave me a box of band-aids that looked like bacon? i had an owie that required a bandage. and while these are not flexible at all, they are quite amusing.

some of you may recall when i had this knitted skirt i had to rip apart and start over this past summer? well, it's been languishing in one of the yarn baskets (yes, i now have two. i... uh... may have... a problem). but i've been working on it recently, and it's two-thirds complete. my hope was to finish it before i went to california. but i'm not sure that will happen. i have named it the vortex skirt. i'm kinda worried that, if i finish it, the world will stop or something.

it's not a snake, although i do have plans to knit me one of them. this is the branching out scarf, drying in the garage. i stuck knitting needles in the ends, so it would have some weight to it.

it turned out kinda cute. it's the color of butter, which i'm indifferent to.

thanks for stopping by.

... at least that's what i hear. the organ is union or whatever, and it's not getting enough respect. so, i'm sitting here, waiting for it to accept or reject the contract my people have worked out with its people (in the form of a peanut butter sandwich). okay, that's really silly. but i've felt like the bottom of a taxicab since late friday night, and i'd really like to be a in a tub of warm water right now. just because it sounds nice.

but because i'm a pansy about such things (which is double speak for: hey, i've read the handbook of diseases, and i can think of a thousand horrifying reasons why my stomach is on stike, the least of which is food poisoning), when i get sick with something really simple, i start to think about the worst case scenario. like, yeah - this could be an ulcer. i have all the symptoms for that. and really, my stomach has been making noises along this line since mid-december. or, you know... historically, i've have really bad intestinal cramps and disorders involving my tummy prior to having another go-round with the cancer.

i'm such a joy. moving on...

since i'm such a dweeb, i pay attention to random pieces of information. like, the fact that over 500 people have visited this website this month. and, like, five or six of you actually leave comments. which kinda makes me feel like less of a dork. i hope y'all are getting something out of this, even if you're not talking. it does make me feel better, knowing that in some small way, i'm not the only one who fears looking like a moron. heh - sorry, but i typed 'mormon' accidentally just then. it's unnerving how close those two words are. anyway, thanks for reading. i'd thank you with a knitted object if you'd say hi or something. but it's okay. believe me, i understand.

so, since my stomach is on strike (and believe me when i say, i'm glad it didn't start a riot while having dim sum with cool people on saturday), i've been staying close to the bathroom. because i'm a wuss, and i need a toilet to puke in. i'm not much for puking in bushes, or on the ground, like some common drunk. it needs to be a toilet, and preferably one that's been cleaned recently. i have issues, yes. however, i have been knitting like an insane woman. or like someone told me they were gonna amputate my hands. so, i have a few pictures.

first, we have an orange cake of linen yarn. which has started to be something for YMCrae. it's not the best picture, but it is a sexy, burnt-orangy color. yeah, i said orangy. i've become that person. i blame my stomach for this.

oooh, this is the branching out scarf. i found this cream-ish yarn in the basket. it's gonna look so swanky when it's done. i think i originally bought this stuff to make a pillow for z's bed. um... yeah, i did. the pillow looks a little creepy, actually. it's a cylindrical shape, and she wanted most of it to be this insane eyelash yarn junk. i hate that stuff, but people in general seem to love it. i just thought of this, but the pillow looks like a stubby, fluffy, cream-colored penis. i'm really not kidding. someone remind me to take a picture of that bad boy. but this scarf - it won't look like a penis.

here i am, holding caliometry on my head. it needs to be washed before i'll add a button. for now, just pretend my hand's not there. seriously, this took around two hours to make. and it keeps my head warm. although i do think i look vaguely amish. an amish lass with a blog and a stomach that hates her.

another caliometry. moi may recognize the pink - it's leftover panty yarn. and it's on my head. i think this is the closest i'll ever get to having her undies on my head. and that's totally a good thing. i think i mentioned i was sending her some mystery gifts? i found two pairs of undies (it was a knickers event, i tell you) that all but begged to be sent to her. see? see what happens when you give your address to random people on the interweb? you get knitted objects in the mail, and underwear and lip gloss goes along for the ride. but no hotel keys. i kept that sucker.

and only a few people will know of what i speak.

finally, ophelia shows how much she loves to leave comments on my blog. it's the complete indifference that gets me. oh, and that's the almost tackiest-blanket-ever. but man, it's great to have about when you're feeling like absolute ass. the cat wants to get all in my face - because i usually don't get sick, she gets all weirded out and has to stomp on the bladder and dig her claws in any available tender surface - but with this, she just wants to lay on it near me. or better yet, lay between it and the comforter. although it is kinda funny when she's licking herself. she'll sometimes be unable to tell where she ends and the blanket begins, and soon she'll be licking the faux fur and purring. it's not normal behavior, i tell you.

next time, i should have pictures of the most gigantic sock ever, and why i've had to make it again (i blame my stomach and my mother). and maybe some pictures of that penis pillow.

thanks for stopping by.

can't talk righ now, y'all. because i just discovered a whopping error in the much-anticipated (well, by me, anyway) panties for moi. which means... crap. i mean, she's here in town, i was all set to sew them up and hand them over - i even had buttons and botton holes attached and done. when i noticed... okay, these panties are made of four pieces. front left and right, and back left and right. three pieces are made for one size, and one piece is made for another size. if they were for me, i'd probably curse and sew them together, making them all fit.

but they're not. and i suck. crap crap crap! well, i may have to ship them... crap!

i really want to swear like a sailor right now.

thanks for reading my little yarn rant.

so, yeah. i meant to have a few pictures of what i've been knitting lately, but it flat didn't happen. there's bad mojo at the rabbyt hutch, and i'm worried it will creep into the more natural fibers i've been working with. moi's - ahem - thanksgiving present is nearing completion (god help me, i have to sew now). YMCrae asked for a pair of gloves. z's mom, who will now be known as zima (get it?), received sockument, as well as a pair of fingerless mitts. i offered the capt a scarf. i mean, didn't i just say i don't usually make stuff for other people? and yet, there it is. to be fair, y'all - none of these projects were really demands. i offered. and none really required new yarn purchases. aside from the small amount of yarn purchased on sale in october or something, i've bought not a fiber. the gloves? i have this ultra-swank yarn that i'm dying to work with, and i think it's the just-right color. the scarf? um, there's something in the bottom of the basket that i think is manly enough for capt clydesdale. besides, a scarf has more utility that a wang warmer, guys. just saying.

as usual, a digression:

utility - i used to hate that word. my truly evil ex-boyfriend, the savage, used that word in reference to his truck. we lived in san francisco, and he had this generic-looking nissan truck. white, with this weird graphic thingy in the side. man, i see those trucks around town here, and i start to panic. anyway, he would always say how his truck was versatile, and that he could carry loads of stuff somewhere. you know, if he needed to. only he never did need to; even when we moved from san francisco to seattle, the moving truck held everything, and i drove his nissan. my car was on a trailer attached to the moving truck. 'utility' was his big word. and it pisses me off. i don't hate it anymore, but i do have a mild dislike for it. moving on...

no, wait. another u-turn. i think i was saying a few days ago that knitting is just one of those things. i got caught knitting at a dentist's office, waiting for z dog to be done with his checkup. there was this, um... not elderly lady per se, but nearing that age bracket. anyway, she watched me whip a scarf out of the ball in my purse (ask the capt and YMCrae; i do actually carry yarn in my purse), then finally asked if i was knitting for my husband. oh no, i said. i'm just really fidgety, and knitting is easier to do in a waiting room than read a book. she said she hoped that whoever was lucky enough to wear the scarf was appreciative.

see, everyone on this planet has some kind of outlet; and if you don't, you a nothing but a husk of a person. we paint, we sing, we play guitar. we work on cars or build websites. maybe we sew, or bake. but we all have some kind of creative outlet that we channel a lot of energy into. some folks are lucky; their creative outlet is entertainment for the rest of us, so they can have their art fix in public. and they know people appreciate it, because they show up. they say, wow, great painting, excellent song, nice dancing. whatever. no one wants to watch me knit. it's not a spectator sport. and seldom does anyone come by my work and say, wow, nice heel! way to make a brim! work that cuff, girl! i do it because it makes me happy. i have nervous energy, and knitting sucks some of that up. it gives me something to do while watching a movie, or talking with friends. and at the end of it, i have a physical thing that reminds me of that movie, or that converdation. making a scarf for someone is an act of love, or at the very least, admiration. not that store-bought gifts aren't nice (i can't knit my favorite perfume, or the latest gym class heroes cd), but the handmade represents more. someone thinks you're worth that kind of time and effort. and it is effort.

so, not utility. maybe a scarf has more ability to do something for you? plus, i've noticed that chicks kinda dig a guy that can rock a knitted object. i made the ex-mister a hat with red devil horns sticking out of it, and the ladies thought he was the bees' knees. the menfolk thought he was equally cool. a bartender paid me 30 bucks to make her one of her own, which was not as cool as the original. i know i'd love the crush even more if he wore something i made. but anyway... i know the way to a man's heart is through his feet. cecil has pointed this out - apparently, dudes dig the handmade socks. i don't know a single guy that owns a pair, so i'm not sure how reliable all this is. but when i give a man a foot rub? they're reduced to protoplasm.

i have this great sock yarn i picked up in bellingham. wool makes my feet itchy, so i found yarn that was a wool/ silk blend. it's a very rich brown - think baker's milk chocolate. i made one sock from this yarn and slapped it on my foot. cecil watched me walk around in it, look at certain 'trouble' spots (where i screwed up the pattern in some way or other), and make notes for sock 2. my left foot is smaller than my right foot, so i have to take that into account. anyway, i leave the sock on and move on to another activity. cecil is still looking at the sock. finally, he says my sock kung-fu is rocking, and if i could maybe work on his socks? i started a pair for his chriatmas present, but they're nowhere near completion. the yarn is this self-striping stuff, and i love watching the yarn do all the hard work. i just make the loops. i told him he'd have to be my friend forever, and he would alwaya have to tell me i was smart and beautiful. he agreed. the power of the handmade, people. the power of socks.

beware the woman with a buttload of sock yarn. i only have two skeins, and they're both sorta spoken for, so we're all safe. thanks for stopping by.

originally, i had this post in my head, where i talk about how really good friendships are like a rubik's cube. but, i've had a wildly entertaining day, and i have quite a few pictures to share. weirdly enough, even though i promised knitting pictures, and am filing this under knitting, i don't think there's any actual knitting.

ahem.

first, you may recall i've been doing battle with some particularly hateful raspberry, synthetic mohair, yarn. the ungrateful lady at work has been on my ass about this fiber travesty. the behemoth is finally complete, and i refuse to take pictures. cecil, who i have agreed to not photograph for blog purposes, even offered to wear the damn thing. the top is based loosely on the bevin tank i made, except mine is sparkly blue and close fitting. she wanted a bigger, baggier version. now, we are not the same size. i do try to be delicate about people's body shapes, largely because i'm sensitive about mine. and if i'm sensitive about being referred to as 'big' (which, it has been pointed out to me this week, i'm not anymore), then people who are truly plus-sized are probably more so.

so, if you're curious, the raspberry bevin turned out okay. just click that other link up there, and imagine it pinkish, less shapely, and a few sizes bigger. i feel obligated to add - the pattern only comes in one size. i did have to re-write it just to make this woman happy. it's currently drying in the garage. my goal was to finish it by christmas - not as a present for this woman, but as another gift to me. get rid of this project, this yarn, so i can work on prettier, sexier things for people i actually like.

i think i may have been experiencing a low blood sugar moment, because... well, i did something no knitter in her right mind would probably do. i advise you yarn ho's out there (and i use that phrase as one of your kind, my dears) with weak stomachs, to turn back now.

this was what was left over from the project-from-hell:

the cat was not thrilled with it being so close to her. i had thought about making her a little kitty blanket out of the remains. but when she growled at the little muffin-sized ball, i rethought my plan. i was also hoping for some kind of scale here, so you have an idea how big the ball was. but my cat is rather deceptive with her bulk.

another shot. really, it doesn't look bad. but the fibers stick to my hands and to each other. it's a very sticky, not-very-soft-despite-all-the-fluff, deceptive yarn. mr sparkles said the longer you hold it, the less soft it feels. and it smells odd.

you will notice it is now outside, on cement. i was so very happy to be done, and i did not want to touch the yarn again - which, really, is quite a stunning statement - that my brain decided it would be interesting to, well...

set it on fire. yeah. i wasn't sure it would burn. i was kind of hoping it would melt, actually. then i would have this really weird little sculpture i could tell people that i made myself. i should point out that i did not douse this crap in lighter fluid or anything like that. all i really did was spark a lighter at the ends; it wasn't even exposed to the direct flame. i mean, people that smoke wear this particular fiber, i'm sure. this is truly a fire hazard. i'm glad i didn't make a baby blanket.

it really lit up, too. i might have been hooting and hollering with glee at this point. the smell was ungodly. it actually looks a bit like insulation. this particualr picture was taken during a mild downpour. so this is not the type of fiber that is easliy extinguished. and honestly? this felt good. i feel much better than i would had i thrown it away (gasp!) or donated it to someone.

the charred remains. not how i expected it to feel. the black parts were kinda, um, floofy (yeah, it's not a word. but it describes the ashy bits pretty well), and there were still large amounts of yarn unmolested. and it still retained its shape pretty well. after i went inside and dragged the behemoth from its water soak to dry in the garage, i opened one present from moi. then i took another picture of the char-yarn.

you know someone is your equally-evil twin when she sends you cookies and a travel gnome (complete with passport and suitcase). his name is cedric. the lump's name is ass. you can still see that pinkish hue through the char. i plan on flipping it over and setting fire to it again on monday. because nothing says happy holidays like burnt crap.

the lesson alluded to in this post's title? synthetic fibers are unsafe. especially if you give them to me.

in case you're curious:

cedric is not tall. and he's a bit of pyro. moving on (i said i had a lot of pictures)...

i asked my mom for some old radio shows on cd. this is what she sent me. does anyone else think i got a garbage can for christmas? maybe it's a fire bucket!

i went out to dinner with capt clydesdale, YMCrae and z on friday. while that was meant to be part of my rubik's cube post, i have this funny little story. i told the capt that he was required to use soap before i would dine with him. because i'm a big ole bitch, that's why. anyway, he sent me a text saying he was showering. simultaneously, this happened:

that is my cat, licking who-the-hell-wants-to-think-about-it. when i sent this to the capt, i think i said something about being clean, or using soap. i don't recall. but i'm pretty sure i scarred his psyche. although, he did say - 'if i could do that, i'd never leave the house!' and neither would george carlin.

i did promise a slightly better shot of the new hair-hack. i've also added some temporary black dye. because now that i know what my real hair color is, i'm bored with it.

i have more, but i've done enough damage. thanks for stopping by. happy holiday and boxing day.

ta da! i have returned, and with a much better attitude than in recent minutes! i think it's the addition of this new-fangled thing all the hipsters are raving about - food!

note to YMCrae - please recall the hipster uniform at that one table saturday. it's making me laugh.

anyway! as stated, i took my midterms, and i think i did well. i already got my lab midterm back, and i have to say - my teacher's a dork. when i handed in my lecture exam, he starts flipping through the labs. all i'm looking at is the score in big bold red at the top of each test. he stops on one with a '12', and i gasped. like, out loud and everything. it's a possible 50 points, yo. he eyes me, then says, "gotcha!" he hands me my test, and it says '48'. why? well, if i were to quote frank herbert, it's because i am the kwisatz haderach! dude, seriously. go read some sci fi that doesn't suck.

and i got to start dissecting a cat. i have decided there will be no pictures. you can thank me later. i accept bribes made of peanut butter.

moving on... friday, i took it upon myself to clean out my closet and one of the bins in the garage that contain clothes. now, as some of you know (okay, like, three of you know), my entire life is in various boxes in the garage, due to the fact that i technically just rent a room from z. while it's more complex than that, most of my worldly possesions are encased in carboard and bits of plastic. so, i have clothes (and shoes!) i haven't seen since april 2005. since z and her rugrat were out of town for a wedding, i took the opportunity to use the living room as my own dressing room and try on most of the items of clothing i could find. to chuck out any and all that are too big, and lament those that are still too small. the too-big's outnumber the too-small's at this point, but i digress. i also took it upon myself to determine who was the better bond. it's no debate, in my opinion - sean connery is the shit, and i dare you to bring that "roger moore is prettier and more suave" argument, g man. fuck it, you're just wrong. oh, and when i said that the 'new' bond was colin what's-his-name, i really meant daniel craig. you may recall him as 'that one guy from the movie layer cake'. or, perhaps you know him better as 'that one guy that was banging lara croft'. whatever. it's that guy. anyway, my closet? it's kind of fun to live out of boxes in the garage. especially when you have to go looking for something - like a passport. it's like christmas - "holy shit, i own this? badass!" that was me during much of friday. the cat was a bit skittish, though. she puked in the hall.

did anyone figure out which jackass stunt had YMCrae and i gabbing at dinner? there was beer involved!

oh! i talked to my mom on friday as well. i may have been partially dressed at the time, but i'm not sure. she told me this crazy story about my dad being sent to mexico on business. again, for those that don't know, my dad is a tall british guy with a moustache. i don't know how the 'stache figures in, but i feel the need to describe him that way. he's always had that one crazy feature. i think he shaved it off once when i was 16, and it was just creepy - and somehow dirty - to see his upper lip. it was fucking naked, guys. anyway, british dad who lived with us in southern cali forever does not speak a word of spanish. well, wait - he can say taco. and he knows how to say 'go fuck your mother,' but only because i taught him. and puta - he knows that one. but he doesn't know helpful stuff, like "i'd like a full tank of gas, please." apparently, hand gestures will not give you gas in the part of mexico he was in. anyway, it was pretty funny. he was righteously pissed. then i agreed to something i haven't agreed to since i moved to portland. my mom asked me to come visit, and i said yes. normally, she beats around the bush, so i have a minute to get my visit-deflector-shield in place. it's not that i don't want to see my parents. they're highly entertaining. but they live in what's knows as bum-fuck nowhere (the maps have gently referred to it as palermo, california). and for those who say there is no such thing as middle-of-nowhere in california, i say, "at my parent's spread? the neighbors have a band of donkeys (not shitting you), other neighbors raise peacocks and goats (again, can't make this stuff up), and you can't drive a regular sedan to their house because it would get lost in the holes the locals refer to as 'roadway not inproved'." i did not speand any of my formative years at this place. they bought it after i was in college. i think they live in a trailer, for god's sake. oh, excuse me - modular home. i can't drive there, which means i'm at their mercy as to when i get to experience civilization. they actually drive 'into town'.

does it show that i'm a city girl? anyway, that blessed event will occur around my break between winter and spring term. yes - spring break. so, i have a while to catch bird flu or something.

but, the redemming factor in this - i may get to attend a phillipino wedding in hawaii in may. i've never been to hawaii.

and now - pictures!

meet the beginning of the left cheeck of moi's undies! she agrees with my style here. i really wanted to try out pinstripes, but my pattern didn't mesh with the actual panty pattern i'm following. sigh.

the bunny bin at the local craft shop. this really unnerves me. would someone - other than me - liberate these poor creatures?

gratuitious... oh, whatever. she's taken to sitting/ sleeping/ licking herself/ farting on top of the heater vent in my room.

cecil bought me a knitted hat. while y'all ponder why he bought a knitter a knitted hat, i'll show you the hat i wanted/ needed:

dude, it was furry inside, and corduroy outside. and i think i look cool.

i was at powell's, and i saw these coffee cups. they say, 'ladies sewing circle and terrorist brigade'. i really need one. like, for christmas. hint, hint.

powell's also had these. the writing's cut off, but it says, 'avenging unicorn'. i think that's a mime.

you can't see me, but i look hot right now. and... thanks for stopping by.