badrabbyt

 

so, i haven’t been here for a bit. i do enjoy stating the obvious. hiya! yeah, while you all were living your regular and exciting lives, i ran away to maui. my cover story is, i went there for a wedding. and i didn’t take my laptop. which was just as well, really. i woulda gotten sand in carmen’s cracks, and no one wants that. and… well, i'm not going to bore you with the blow-by-blow descriptions. i'm not going to make you look at the 40-something pictures i took. they're all in that photo album yonder, should you want to check them out. but, what i will do? knock out a little synopsis of each day i was there. because i need an entry that will distract y’all from the fact that i’m not talking about school this time (i know i'm not getting into the radiology program, which is great news to get when you return from vacation. plus, it makes it difficult to study. but, enough about the topic i'm not discussing right now), and also… i caught some kind of plague from z on the plane ride back. the recycled air in airplanes doesn’t agree with me anyway, and to sit next to someone who’s hacking and coughing for 5-plus hours? the medical term for that is the double whammy.

anyway, moving on…

wednesday

got onto a plane around 9:30ish. sat in one place for five-and-a-half hours (seriously, y’all have no idea how hard that is for me. i fidget during 2-hour movies). get stuck between two men who absolutely need the space my legs are occupying, and they let me know this by sitting with their legs all spread out. the guy on my left is a dick; the guy on the right tells me his life story (born in hawaii , going back for a funeral, married twice, diabetic. if you’re interested). i knit half a sock, and keep thinking about stabbing one of these buttwads with my needles. but, that’s not nice.

jesus, it’s humid on maui. gathered our troops (z, myself and z dog flew on one plane from oregon; zima, dude, and zima’s man flew on another from california. and we all landed within 30 minutes of each other). pick up our rental for the week (a verra sexy minivan), and head to the condo. the two-bedroom condo six people will be sharing. i slept in the living room on a trundle-type bed, while z dog slept on the couch. and, may i say? the person who slept on that bed before me must have had an enormous arse. it was like trying to sleep on the edge of a crater, only to wake up in said crater. with a pancake for a pillow. i missed my foam pillow a bit.

thursday

wake up at… uh… pre 6 a.m. not because it’s noisy or anything. but hawaii is three hours behind the west coast. dick around for a few hours, then get swept into the orientation held at this condo/ time share thingy. they have a guy available that can plan your entire stay on the island. we sign up for three or four events and call it good. and even though we’re all there, and agree on everything being done, z freaks out a few hours later because we have all these commitments. seriously. we drive down to lahina, which is where they sell all the tourist crap. we walk up and down the main street, which is kinda nice. i buy the best coffee ever, from the bad ass coffee shop (seriously, best coffee ever. it was like speed or something). later in the day, zima and her man attend the wedding toast, before which z has her second freakout and the rest of us are unobligated to attend said toast. we instead go snorkeling, which i had never done before. and since the coral reef in maui is, like, five feet from where the water meets land, it’s super easy. the water’s warm and clear. we get dude to do weird and bizarre things with his swim trunks (i think this has something to do with his XY chromosome, versus z and i's XX chromosome. but it’s just a theory, really). return to the condo sticky with salt water and sand. stay up, and realize there are tiki torches all over the property we’re staying at/ on. also realize they remain lit the entire night. they are pretty close to the trees and stuff, so this makes me worry about fire hazards.

and… what the hell is that noise? apparently, there are an assload of woodpeckers on maui.

friday

lounge for the better part of the day. also got up at the ass-crack of dawn again. in the evening, we go to the wedding rehearsal, which is being held at this incredibly posh resort. there is no shade, and it’s rather warm. try not to sweat out all my fluids. the rehearsal dinner is rather… odd. it's a buffet thing, and that’s when we find out the original restaurant the bride and groom had picked out went bankrupt a few days before they arrived. the waiters at the new restaurant take forever to bring glasses of water to our table, so i take matters into my own hands and go to the bar. where z’s brother buys me a drink called a chi chi (like a pina colada, but with vodka included. so very yum). when we return to our table, water has arrived. after that, I had no problem getting hooch

saturday

more lounging by the pool and the ocean (which are about 20 feet from each other). find out a few of the condos where we are staying are occupied by other people here for the wedding. in fact, our wedding party has sort of taken over this one courtyard area. we take zima and her man (i don’t have a name for him, sorry) out snorkeling, where zima announces she can’t swim. she instead plants herself on the sand and gets repeatedly smashed with waves. she is laughing hysterically. zima tells me later that she got a ton of sand in her va jay jay. i immediately decide no one over the age of 16 should use a phrase like va jay jay.

the wedding is lovely. it is also outdoors, and quite warm. the reception is at a completely different restaurant, but who cares? this one has an open bar.

sunday

still waking up incredibly early. after getting slightly crazy at the reception (seriously, the irish and the philipinos know how to party), we get on a tour bus (suddenly i'm 65) and take a road trip along maui’s north shore, to see the rainforest. which is really beautiful and amazing. and it’s time for another z freakout. seriously, never going on a trip with her again. she wigs out at everything. but anyway... very few pictures, because they don't do the area justice. neither do words, really. and the painted eucalyptus was amazing.

sunday night, there is a casual dinner being held for one of the boys in the family, who just graduated from college. zima, her man, z dog and i go. z and dude claim to be carsick. we have a kick ass time, and really good food.

monday

snorkel trip to molokini, which is seriously the coolest thing. molokini used to be a volcano, but it has since collapsed into the ocean, and now it’s got some coral reef and stuff. i cannot express how beautiful everything was. we saw sea turtles! and eels, sea trumpets, i think some clown fish… it was just amazing. and i was later informed that one of the crew on our boat was flirting with me. bear in mind, i'm in my swimsuit the whole time. i don’t expect to have passes made at me while in something that clingy. and yet, it apparently happened.

that night, we went to a luau. which  is truly a tourist thing to do, but i would still recommend it. first, our waiters. beautiful surfer dudes, wearing nothing but flip flops and sarongs. as a rule, i don’t approve of flip flops on guys. and usually, not on girls either. but these guys? i couldn’t have cared less what was on their feet. z and i stared pretty hard, but we couldn’t tell if there were undergarments involved. lots of food, lots of dancing (handled by the trained professionals, of course), lots of music… and another open bar! we also saw this amazing fire dancer guy, who i kinda wanted to take home. but i don't think he woulda fit in my purse.

tuesday

dude’s plane leaves. we goof off quite a bit more, then in the evening go see this… uh… production. i can’t really describe it. there was singing and dancing, minimal sets and lights. it's called ulalena, and it tells the story of the island of maui . i'm not sure if it’s just maui, or all of hawaii . but it was really cool. then we had what z’s brother called authentic hawaiian mexican food.

wednesday

still more goofing off. for anyone not familiar with goofing off on an island, it involved laying on or near the beach, trying to figure out which way is north, and occasionally walking up the road to check out other beaches. i laid on a black sand beach, a red sand beach, and the regular white sand beach. the ocean is saltier in hawaii , i swear. and it really stings your eyes, so you totally need swimming goggles. we eventually packed up and headed out to the airport, where out real lives waited to catch up with us.

and where letters that start with “we are sorry to inform you…” waited for me. but, that’s for another time. thanks for stopping by.

... i had better be awake and thinking about heading to the airport. because... uh. yeah. flying away.

but look! to entertain you, i have found this.

it enabled me to make this.

and this.

you know what sucks? being given a blank slate that makes you so giggly that your own brain goes blank to conserve energy. i sat there for a while, trying to think up goofy things to say on the goddamn hearts.

maybe this should be my sub-header thinger. it really has been two whole damn years. yeah - i was all excited about hitting the two-year mark, and then i kinda forgot about it. whoopsie.

kinda dirty, that one. but i rather like it. and... well, it's true.

thanks for stopping by. bon voyage to me! i'm sure they have innernet in hawaii.

hey y'all! it's truly official! i'm going to hawaii!

yay! yay! and double yay with knobs on!

okay, seriously... apparently, there was, like, five seconds, where we weren't sure if i was allowed. because i'm a white girl. no, really. see, there's this wedding. one of z's vast cadre of cousins is getting hitched, and they happen to be doing it in hawaii. originally, she was going to hornswaggle dude (i.e., lie her ass off), and she was going to take myself and mr sparkles along. oh yeah - and her kids. we officially got the invitation last week, and zima called me the other day to confirm dates and times, so she could book her timeshare whatsit. z called her auntie, the one who's kid is getting hitched, just to be sure it was okay for me to come along. she had to explain that dude wasn't going ("that white man? we're not sure about him. such foul language. does he have a prison record?" seriously), but she wanted to bring her 'date'. yes, i'm the date. mr sparkles isn't going, which really is too bad. we coulda done some major damage in a bar crawl. anyway... there are times when it's just easier for z and i to pretend we're, you know, partners. like we, uh "know" each other in a biblical way. i kinda like saying stuff like that. i don't know z in a biblical way (but i've seen her naked enough times to qualify, thankyouverymuch), but i like getting to say stuff like, "yeah, i know that guy. not biblically or anything." it's amusing to me, and it makes people chuckle. so z is telling her auntie that she'd like to bring her roommate. and the auntie's all, "oh, i'm not sure about that. it's a family event, you know? and won't that be uncomfortable? having a white person there?" once z mentioned my name, and that zima had wanted me to come along, the auntie was all, "oh, her? we've heard about her! she's the one that corrupts your kids, yes?" so then i was asked to come to the wedding. so, looking forward to that.

now i have to buy a new swimsuit. christ.

anyway... did i say i did well on my midterm? i don't care if i did, i'm saying it again - i did well. i coulda done better (there was a bit of an issue with not having had enough sleep before the lecture exam, but hey), and i will do better on the next one. but yay for me anyway. cecil was very supportive. after i told him my grades, he went out and bought me a purse. he said if i had got an a, i woulda received better swag.

oh! so, the other day, cecil and i were playing 'airplane'... i should stop there and say two things. one - our clothes were on. two - different people play 'airplane' different ways. actually, i was told that what we were doing in powell park there is actually playing 'helicopter', but whatever. we called it 'airplane' in the neighborhoods i grew up in. even the gangbangers called it goddamn 'airplane'. we were not doing the thing where you lay on the other person's feet and you stick your arms out - i always thought of that as 'superman'. no, this is the one where you grab someone's right arm and leg, and swing them around. which is easy when you're a kid and everyone weighs, like, 20 pounds. i just realized that this would make more sense if we had taken pictures. but alas... anyway, cecil grabbed me and started swinging. we were laughing hysterically, which has nothing to do with the abuse i endured. something in my shoulder make a little crunching sound, and i couldn't feel my fingers. when we finally stopped 'airplaning', i was pressing my left hand into my right shoulder. stuff moved about in there (let's not discuss how many injuries i've had in my life, and accept that the cartilage over there is just plain screwed), and something clicked back into place. i can feel the fingers on my right hand, but i can't sleep in certain positions anymore. and right now, while typing, my shoulder hurts and my ring and pinky fingers are starting to lose sensation. i may have to go visit the doc.

too bad i'm not mel gibson in the 'lethal weapon' movies, where he could dislocate his shoulder, then do that awesome running-into-stuff maneuver to re-locate it.

and, i may have completely deterred my stalker. but i have no way of knowing for sure. so, if anyone really hot wants to stalk me (crush? you know you have a bit of free time), send me an email and i'll hook you up with an itinerary. because i don't like to make things difficult for others.

i need to go knit now. thanks for stopping by.

first off, remember this?

the skull that was supposedly cherry flavored? it bears a vague resemblance to cherry. in the same manner that cherry flavored nyquil tastes like cherries. fuck me, that was terrible. i spat for a few minutes, then I LICKED IT AGAIN. y'know, in case there was a malfunction in the tongue department.

so, i went to bellingham to see george carlin. and he's old. have you ever watched old guys walk across the street? they kind of hunch, with their butt sticking out just a bit? that's how george carlin stands and walks now. he's still onery, but he's not as pissed. so... i'm glad i went to see him, but he's in the process of losing steam. he was hospitalized recently for chest pain, so it's possible that he's trying to take it easy. plus, he turns 69 this month. i just thought i'd share that.

the odd thing? a folk singer-type guy named vance gilbert opened for him. i don't often put comedy in the same sentence as folk music, but apparently they all do. sir gilbert had an amazing voice, and he was pretty funny between songs. i'm pretty sure he was also the only black man in that zip code.

okay, random bits of stuff. cecil and i were watching david letterman thursday night, when he announced one of his guests would be anne heche. remember her? she was a lesbian for, like, five minutes? i think she was ellen's girlfriend way back when. now, she's married and has a kid. which, y'know, letterman couldn't wrap his brain around. the rest of us call this sort of behavior 'bisexuality', but i guess if you're a celebrity it's in your contract to chose a team. anyway, he was asking that bald guy that runs the band - i'm pretty sure his name is paul - his opinion. and paul said that miz heche was dating steve martin when she announced she was changing teams, and mister martin allowed people to think that she was scared off by the size of his dick. i'm not doing it justice, but the whole exchange had us giggling like mad. the best part of all this was when miz heche came out to have her five minutes or whatever. she just kind of rolled with the lesbian-turned-straight jokes. good times.

oh! and this is just straight-up fucked up. do y'all know that one of the cable channels is running the old pee wee's playhouse show? i admit that i used to watch it, and i seem to recall that i was older than their target audience. i just love pee wee's gray flannel suit. anyway, we caught a bit of that during a commercial - did you know lawrence fishburn was on that show as cowboy carl? dude had a freakin' jheri curl! morpheus goes country! seriously, my jaw just hung open for a minute there. which was probably was not good, as i had bee brushing my teeth at the time.

now, before it goes around that i just go out of town to watch letterman, conan (who was mad-funny thursday night), and pee wee, i'll have you know i did other stuff while in bellingham. like, finding a yarn shop:

behold the fibery goodness! this one actually had an upstairs spinning room, and i had a good look around. spinning looks like a lot of fun, but i don't think i should invest in it just yet. yes, i'm aware that there are perfectly good yarn shops here in portland, and i know that i still have that ginormous basket of various yarns waiting to be something else. i bought some sock yarn that i didn't recall seeing anywhere nearby. plus, it's an independent shop, so i'm supporting small business by not spending all my money in one place.

that's what i told cecil anyway.

by the way - if you ever find yourself in seattle, may i make a suggestion? don't ever drive up or down orilla road. i used to live there, and it was brought to my attention why i never drove this one particular side road whilst living there. don't ever ride a bike on orilla, or even walk on orilla. the hills in san francisco have nothing on orilla road. used to live in san francisco, too. the road goes straingt up. at the foot of the mountain/ hill, there's a stoplight. which means that locals are constantly speeding through that light to get enough equilibrium to make it all the way up. god forbid there's traffic while you're driving down. hope your breaks are perfect, and you're well-insured. seriously.

moving right along. i bought these shoes about a week ago.

and they're beautiful. fabulous doc martens with a lift that makes me look human-size. but for some reason, i didn't wear my arch supports with them. so, after being in them for eight plus hours, my feet were swollen and angry. kind of like bees. i wear a size eight, which is a european four, so these reall do look a bit elvish in length. in case you were wondering. and they're steel-toed.

i also have some badass socks that i did not make. i like dragons. have you noticed that my brain is pudding at the moment? there was a soup incident earlier, but i have decided to put it behind me.

ooo, pretty flower.

finally, the gratuitious princess shot. i'll write something when my real brain has returned from its very own holiday.

man, i totally take my nose for granted. and i'm reminded of this when i contract my annual cold. i think i'm lucky to get it out of the way so damn early this time. anyway, it's so fabulous to be able to smell things, even if it is the smelly bastard living down the hall. and i do love being able to drink fluids without gasping for air. and eating with my mouth closed - that's totally hot, in my book. so even though it's red and pissed off, i'm in love with my nose.

having said that, i've done very little in the last few days. and yet, i have all this crap to say. first - where the hell does all that snot come from? i mean, i know where it comes from (i do work in a hospital, and i did take medical-type classes to get here). but WTF? i've killed two tissue boxes in five days - and not the pert little ones. no, the great big'uns. and i'm not one of these folks that blows their nose once, then chucks the tissue. i was totally poor growing up, so i use ever available spot. yeah, y'all need to know that. but seriously - i think the snot glad really is a marketing ploy between kleenex and halls. and when the fuck did they start making halls throat drop with the creamy center? i had NO WARNING on that at all. i've got my lozenge, and it's clearing out the sinuses and making me feel less invalid-like. all is good. then, it goes runny and gooey. now, i really try not to get terribly graphic about a lot of things that go on in front of my face, because some people are squeamish. but it was like an unexpected ending to fellatio. and it's a damn lozenge. so, beware the happy-ending throat drops.

i think i've gotten that out of my system. i'm sure next year, there will be all new indignities.

okay - i'm going back to school soon. yay! i've decided that i need yet another license to put on my resume. and i want to take bellydancing as an elective. i was trying to hold out, because i really want to take a buttload of photography classes, and get back into all of that. and that has to wait until i move, because my cameras (except the one on my phone and the digital dinosaur) are in a box in the garage. like the rest of my life, and two-thirds of my clothes. it's going to be cool to unpack my stuff. it'll be like i went on a shopping spree - "hey! i have one of these? how cool!" i can be easily amused.

oh! the time-share cult! i blame my recent illness on them. when i woke up friday, i felt crappy but semi-human. three hours later, i was feeing like death reheated. z and i pretended to be 'life partners' and went to this presentation thingy. it's not a time-share, actually. it's one of these companies where you pay them a load of money, and they let you stay in 5-star hotels when you travel. the lodgings are free, but i don't think anything else is. anyway, we went because if you sit through the spiel, they give you plane tickets and a place to stay for a day or two. the details are blurry because my health went south during the thingy. so, two hours of this guy talking primarily about his own life (i know more about his daughter than the company he works for, which is probably not what i was supposed to get out of it), and we have two tickets to vegas. i think we're going in june. there were limited choices - san francisco (lived there already), san diego (lived near there already), vegas, reno and one other place that escapes me. i've never been to vegas, so there's that. it is a weird choice - neither z or myself gambles, and i don't really drink (and she's clean & sober). but i'm looking forward to the tackiness of it all. and i want a picture of myself with an elvis impersonator.

aaaand, i think that's it. i spent a lot of time in bed, and a lot of time blowing my nose.

yeah... z bought clue the other day. we had game night tonight, playing clue, sometimes without one. i must say that i loved the movie, but have never actually even seen the gameboard until tonight. it was unusual. i believe a good time was had by all, but i'm not for certain. don't quote me or anything.

so, canada. it was like being in seattle, but with different colored money. i do love that there are no dollar bills. i paid for a beer with a two dollar coin, and it made me so very happy. we stayed at a place downtown called the bossman, which was a little seedy in a rock n roll kinda way. saturday morning, we went to the granville market. it was interesting - and damn cold. it's mostly a grocer's market, with a couple artisan's booths and stores set around. and there were several musicians stationed at various byways in the market. now, i have to ask - what the hell is up with the banjos in vancouver? out of five musicians at granville, four were playing banjos. it wasn't horrid, but it was a little weird. every time i saw a banjo, i brought it to cecil's attention. he said i was hyper-banjo-aware, which was probably true. but, christ - banjos remind me of the movie deliverance, and i did not drive six hours for THAT memory. i was prepared for the rest of the day to point out banjos, but there were none in vancouver proper. bummer.

we did hit the vancouver art museum next, which was pretty cool. cecil loves to tell people about how i got him interested in museums eons ago. a group of us went to the portland art museum, and i recall he was bored out of his skull. so, i rubbed up against him and said, in my best sexy voice, "museums make me HOT." since then, as i understand, he's very keen on museums. i do feel the need to state that i've never talked about how i met cecil. i think i mentioned that i ran into him while watching dr theopolis do their thing over there (i'm pointing west), but i've run into him a lot in the last four years. i think i first met him through school, or someone i went to school with. we totally bonded at the museum when i invaded his space all in the name of art appreciation, and we hung out with some regularity. then the mister got jealous, i think, and kind of thwarted our friendship. saw him this past summer, and i'm so very lucky that we were able to pick up where we left off, in terms of being goofy together. anyway... that's why i left the country with him. i think if you're going to cross borders with someone, they really should be someone you can trust to not rip you off while you sleep. sadly, i don't know too many people like that.

so, the art museum. originally, i was amped to see their picasso exhibit, which i think i had built up in my mind to be somehow cooler than it was. it was cool - i've decided i really like his sketches more than his paintings - but i think i wanted something more. fire-breathers or something at the entrance. it was a whole floor, and it was worth it. what really gunned my motor was the exhibit on the fourth floor. it was dedicated to a canadian artist named emily carr, who did astounding things with nature and a paintbrush. i was entranced with her work. it hit the same spot in my brain as the picture "ecstacy" by maxfield parrish ( i did say i was a museum geek, yeah?), and she had a whole bloody floor to herself. it further tickled me because the midwife was just talking about how few women are acknowledged in the go-go world of painting. the chicks seem to be relegated to the role of mistress, girlfriend, assistant. groupies, basically. anyway, she was mighty miffed there weren't more vaginas in art. so i was happy to write that name down and bring it home.

we also drove around stanley park, where we saw black squirrels. now, before someone calls me a cro-magnon, i have to say that everywhere i've lived, the squirrels have been brown to toffee-colored. but in stanley park, they're black and puffier. cecil had a weird conversation with a local where he tried to explain the squirrels are different here. oh, and i saw totem poles. i'd never seen actual totem poles, not in a museum. at night, there are no less than three ski lifts/resorts visible on the mountains northish of vancouver - i think that's still the cascade range. anyway, i'm pretty sure one of those was whistler, which makes me wish really hard my snowboarding gear had not been stolen a few years back, and i've yet to replace it.

on the way back into this country, i was detained at the border. the guy in the booth asked for my trunk key to search my car. i got out of the car to watch him, and he told me to get back in. i said that i thought it was my right to be present during a search of my property, as we were technically on u.s. property at that time. he got all pissy with me and told me to pull over for a "more thorough search" of my car. when i went in to the building, i asked another border patroller if i was mistaken in my rights. she said no, that i could be present if i wished, but that no one ever requests such a thing. so, about an hour later, we were allowed to leave canada. just weird - it took two minutes to get in the country, and sixty to get out. no wonder the world thinks we're crazed puritans. we are, in general terms. i was in an elevator when this nasty american man burst on. i mean, he punched the door as he came in, and freaked out myself and cecil. i said, "jesus christ, dude," and he said he's been waiting for the elevator for fifteen minutes. in my head, i'm thinking BULLSHIT. you're just an asshole american. and he had to be the first one out of the elevator at the lobby. jackass.

and i finally ordered my new phone. kinda wish i'd taken pictures of my trip, but i wouldn't have been able to free them from my phone. maybe i'll go back, this time with guns in my trunk. you know, to give the border patrol something to do.

i'm going to start by saying that i really love sweet maui onion chips. they're so... sweet and onion-like. and they go great with orange soda.

i saw doom on saturday, against my better judgement. i really dislike the rock, but i have to say that since you end up disliking his character, it all works out for me morally. i loved playing the video game, and i really loved watching the movie. it was one of the more violent things i've seen on the big screen - it may have been more vicious than the resident evil movies, and those were kinda hairy in spots. hope they make a third one soon. anyway, it was a fun piece of fluff to watch on a moist and cold saturday night. and, i have to mention this - am i a sick bitch because i laughed through the last fight scene? i don't know why, but it was really damn funny to me to see these guys beat the snot out of each other. i could not control myself. i don't think anyone heard me, so that's okay. but i was really embarassed that i had that reaction. it's like farting in church - is that a sin?

before i saw doom, i saw amadan, which is an irish-ish band around these bits. i totally got into that, and i'm going to have to try to see them at kell's this weekend. i think i have to see them again to form a more coherent opinion of them; i don't have a good memory of the show, owing in part to a elbow to the head i received by accident. i had bent down for some issue about my shoe, and i came up as the offending elbow made its entrance. it was behind the ear, so there's no visible bruise. but man, i saw stars. the elbow owner was very sorry, and offered to buy me a drink. which was very kind, but not needed.

earlier in the day, i drove the clan to the friends of the library book sale. z bought a bunch of books for her kids, which is good because they need to read more. the boys can't spell to save their lives. i got a couple cd's and a couple books. i was very happy with my loot. i then drove everyone to this corn maze thing out on sauvie island. i had taken z jr to a maze outside of damascus last time, when his brother midgeter wasn't here. but now i felt that we had to go to another corn maze to even things up. this one was soooo muddy! my converse still aren't dry after i cleaned them - it may be time for the shoes-in-the-dryer song that everyone loves. anyway, the kids had a great time, one of the corn maze workers (wearing a shirt that said "corn cop") made a vague pass at me, and midgeter got a bat painted on his face. oh, and when we were in the maze, z's mom took some corn. she opened her bag as we were walking to the car and said, "look, we've got dinner!" we just rolled our eyes at one another.

i made an appointment to get a tattoo. november 4th, i get the japanese kanji for "truth" permanently adhered to my upper back. between my shoulder blades, and just below my neck. it was pointed out to me that all the weird things i've done to myself involving needles are in spots that are usually covered. my two piercings, both of which i had to take out? my navel and my nipple. i have a bunch of holes in my ears, but that's nothing. my body does not like the piercing thingy if it doesn't involve my ears.  the navel one got infected, then the evil ex ripped out - because he's evil. the nipple was okay, except that i couldn't stand to have it touched. which kind of negates the whole piercing thing. one night i was cleaning it, and i noticed that the skin around it was starting to split. like in the winter, if you don't wear gloves or use lotion? that was my boob around the holes. so i just took it out. now i'm moving on to tattoos. some needlework has got to agree with my body.

and i've been adding my road trip pictures ina very slow manner, because i feel the need to organize them and such. it makes me feel better - yes, i'm a neat-freak. but this picture i had to share right now. we were in bonaventure cemetary, in savannah, georgia. this gnome was watching over a grave that had an irish flag sticking out of the stone. i don't know why i had to take this picture, but i did. so, say howdy to the savannah, georgia gnome. not as famous as the bird girl statue on the cover of "midnight in the garden of good and evil," which used to reside in the bonaventure cemetary. but i predict that he'll get more love from now on.

oh, yeah, and there's this picture over here. i look like the biggest freak. see, this is what happens when your travel partner thinks that idaho is the most beautiful place in the country. you end up at shoshone falls, on the grass, looking like this. i'm not normally this pale. but it adds to the general weirdness of the picture. cheers for now.

i think that maybe i've gotten back to my regular time slot. i don't feel as groggy, or so not ready to be sitting at a desk at very near 3am. i mean, i don't think i'm ever ready to sit at this damn desk, and eventually my job will steal my soul (it's not hard work, but it sure does suck your IQ out your head). but i'm acclimated to the time zone.

so... do i talk about my vacation some more? i did say it was pretty cool, right? i took a plantation tour outside of charleston, and went on two haunted tours - one of savannah, and one of charleston. the charleston one was cooler, but the savannah one was interesting, and had a lot of historical information. i got to go to fort sumter, and listen to the loudest park ranger in the known universe shout a blow-by-blow description of the battle that started the civil war. in savannah, we went to bonaventure cemetary (where the bird girl statue from "midnight in the garden of good and evil" used to stay), and was eaten alive by vicious midget mosquitos. we ate at the pirate's cove, where no one said "argh, me hartey!" and of course i went to the mutter museum, which honestly needs a better gift shop. the giant colon was cool, as was the cast of chang and ang (siamese twins joined by the liver, i think).

washington dc was the dirtiest place i've ever been to. there's duck shit on all the ponds and "reflecting pools". and every museum in the joint closes at 5:30pm. which sucks when you get there at 2 in the afternoon. although i did get to heckle the security guard in front of the white house. something like "i'm so sorry you have to guard that lying asshole, your life must suck" kind of thing. so not the thing to say to a guy with a gun, and really not the thing to say on september 10th. we stayed at a hostel in the northern part of town (18th and n streets, i believe) that was in the middle of the bar district. originally, the guy running the place put me in a room with a bunch of guys, and the midwife in an all-girls room. she then promptly made the guy go back and get me, to sleep in the girls' room. we heard gunshots around 3am, and finally got up at 5am to ge the heck out.  it took forever, because dc is a giant vortex, and i still feel the urge to return.

which brings me to new york. there's nothing weirder that riding the staten island ferry, escorted by two armed coast guard boats. we're talking maching gun turrets (or whatever) mounted on these little boats. and men in new york think i'm hot. after several requests for my number, i was divided between truly wanting to live there, and truly wanting to run the other way. we only had two days there, so we went to the met museum, and the museum of modern art. we also took the subway to coney island, and walked the completely vacant boardwalk. it smells like santa cruz. we did get uptown, to see st. john's cathedral, which has these great carvings of souls in pain, and saints doing un-saintlike things. great building. but really, by the time tuesday morning rolled around, i was ready to go home. the plane did not get me here fast enough. i'm - once again - so glad to be home. i'm totally a creature comforts kind of girl, i've learned. since i've been home for close to two weeks, i've done little but work. friday i did go see rollie tussing (i think that's the guy's name) play at the mock crest in north portland. very nifty. and i saw the movie broken flowers. man, i love bill murray.

but now, my tummy hurts. i ate this thing from the cafeteria that i couldn't pronounce, and it was yummy. but now the stomach is angered because i haven't eaten much today, and i'm making it work a bit. hope it doesn't go on strike, and i puke. that would not be a happy thing.

... and i don't even smoke. so, now that my internal clock is completely screwed, let's talk about my pretty cool vacation. i went on a road trip with the midwife, who apparently has this thing about idaho. but first, let me talk about how late we were getting started. originally, we had thought to leave right after work friday morning, but she called thursday night and said she hadn't gotten any sleep - maybe we could leave at noon? i said okay; at the time, i was at powell's, after having spent forever looking for a parking spot downtown. it wasn't until i got out of the car that i realized i was in the middle of first thursday (an artsy-fartsy thingy in the pearl district on the - duh - first thursday of every month). anyway, so i work, then go home for a nap. there is one of z's friends on my bed, and she's laying in such a way that i can't get into bed. plus, she won't wake up. so i nap badly on the couch. but i'm still up, showered and ready by noon. at one, i call the midwife, who tells me she's still packing, she'll call when she's on her way over. just before five, she shows up, claiming that portland is a vortex tht will not release her. i have one bag; it barely fits in her trunk for all the stuff she's got in there. her clothes are in trash bags and such, which makes me feel like grabbing a suitcase or two from the house, but i don't.

we spent the first night on the east side of boise, at a rest stop. she was telling me she always spends a long time in idaho, because it's so beautiful. now, the bit of idaho we were in was pretty much dirt and highway, and she took so many pictures. i mean, yeah, shoshone falls was really cool (taller that niagra falls, as i understand), and getting to see the guys that parachute off the bridge in twin falls was equally awesome. but i was ready to leave idaho's dusty ass. next stop, utah, where we spent the night at the most evil la quinta in the known universe. originally, i was trying to drive to a KOA campground. the midwife had the directions for the one just before salt lake city in her hand, but she gave me the wrong exit number, and we ended up very near provo, which is where the ex-mister's family resides. we finally were exhausted and stinky, so i paid an unfortunate amount to have access to two beds and a shower located indoors. in my bitterness the next morning, i confiscated the book of mormon from the room. we got lost in the provo area looking for the proper highway, and when we did find it we were greeted by bridal falls, which was very pretty. also of note in utah - the town of vernal, which is out near colorado, has this thing for dinosaurs. they have this great field history museum with all these dino replicas out front - i'll be posting pictures later. the top prize goes to the dino that greets you as you drive into vernal. he's got an apron on, and he's standing next to a grill that looks like it contains a blazing fire. he's got a hot dog and a hamburger, as well as some ketchup. we were calling it "the eternal weenie roast".  

as you head out of utah and into colorado, the landscape really does look weird and lunar. those rock formations were unlike anything i'd ever seen. and the midwife took fewer pictures (maybe she works covertly for idaho's public relations and tourism bureau?). we stayed that night at bob's western motel in kremmling, colorado. that's where they have the roadkill festival, which sadly, happened after we left. the neon at bob's was off in spots, so it looked like we were staying at bob's mot, which is kinda cool. the room featured wood paneling that was painted an unfortunate shade of green, and the shower really didn't agree with my policy of using hot water. my bed was actually more uncomfortable than the car, and i don't think i slept that night. the next morning, we drove through the rocky mountain national park, which was beautiful. the highest point in the park is two miles up, and there was no sign, which i really wanted a picture of. i did get called ma'am by a group of harley riders, which made me a bit touchy. and on the way down, i got a nosebleed. after the park, we had to drive like bats outta hell to get to her daughter's house. the midwife's daughter lives outside of charleston, south carolina, and we were expected on her doorstep by wednesday morning. monday afternoon, we were cruising the rockies. we flew through most of kansas monday night, but i did stop at a truck stop to get some sleep, which happily did happen. the great thing about kansas was the weather. there was a tornado warning on the south side of the freeway, and a severe hailstorm warning on the north side.

the lightning was extremely cool. it was big and vicious, and oddly silent. we heard none of it. but it hung out on the south side of us through most of our time in kansas. and as i said earlier, i really needed some sleep after several hours of butt-ass nowhere outside the car. in the morning, i had the unique experience of attempting to freshen up in the bathroom of a mcdonald's, while an elvis marathon played on the loudspeakers. and that seems like a good spot to rest. i'm still not sure when it's time to sleep, and be awake, and stuff, but i am glad to be back closer to my own bed (with no one on it!), with my own shower right around the corner. 

i do have to say, that ford prefect was right. you've got to know where your towel is at all times. it really could save your life and all.

okay, so i haven't posted in fucking forever. i'm back from vacation, and i have so much to say, but nowhere near the energy to say it all. i went from oregon to new york via south carolina in the last two weeks or so, and i can say that there's a whole lot of not much in kansas. except tornadoes and severe weather warnings. also, i will never eat in bear, delaware again - there are bad mutants about. and being on a boat escorted by an armed (like, with two mouted machine guns) coast guard boat makes me nervous. and men in new york think i'm sexy.

but right now, i want to eat my chicken quesedilla and drink my orange soda. there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home.

dammit.